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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ή has copied:

No matter how old you are, when the kitchen roll is empty, you have a telescope.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¨ has shared:

I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡Ί has shared:

I’m quitting my job to do topless tarot readings on the beach.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡° has downloaded:

9-5 is really 10-2 if you’re working remote.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

If I complain about being out of shape, I don’t actually want fitness tips and workouts to try. I just want to complain and remain out of shape. What is wrong with you people?

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡­ has shared:

The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ό has copied:

Carrying a pizza in public feels like you’re showing off.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡ͺ has viewed:

There are more bots on here than in Star Wars.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

Everyone’s gangster until they use a pen that is satisfyingly smooth and fun to write with.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡¨ has copied:

Ask your doctor if it’s right for you to eat oranges and pretend they’re planets and you’re a Greek god.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,668

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Live now on WhatsApp:

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

Just shared via Twitch:

Sunday is proof that time travel exists, because it was just Friday.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Sorry about all the mean stuff I said when I was right.

Just shared via TikTok:

I’ve learned the best way to find something that I’ve lost is to buy a replacement one, to make the lost one spontaneously appear.

Making waves on X:

Drinking 3L of water daily helps you avoid other people’s drama because you’re too busy peeing. Stay hydrated.

Going viral on Instagram:

One of the most disappointing things is when you get a severe thunderstorm warning, and there is no severe thunderstorm.

Just shared via Discord:

Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I hate when I have dreams about work. I’m not getting paid to interact with these people on my time off!

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I thought the noise my husband’s stomach was making was never going to end last night until I realized it was a motorbike outside.

We all have that person who insists on using a blanket on the couch, no matter the weather.

Funny quote about the cozy obsession with blankets regardless of weather.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When you're so committed to being cozy, you put the weather on mute! πŸ˜‚πŸ›‹οΈπŸŒž #BlanketLife"

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Keep the laugh going πŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Instagram this month:

One time, I was so high my bra unclasped, and I thought I got shot.

17 shares on Facebook this month:

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

26 shares on Messenger this month:

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

98 shares on Telegram this month:

If I was ever told to β€œdress to impress”, my first thought would be to get the Batman suit out.

52 shares on Facebook this month:

Anyone else smile at old people just to show that you’re one of the good ones.

33 shares on Threads this month:

I’m gonna start sending women unsolicited pizza pics.

70 shares on Pinterest this month:

I always ask for a receipt so I can keep them in my purse for 86 years.

36 shares on Reddit this month:

A bridesmaid, but to carry the end of my CVS receipt.

69 shares on X this month:

ROMO (relief of missing out)

45 shares on Discord this month:

I really can’t wait until it all works out.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Technology has really helped me waste my time efficiently.

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’ve surpassed the need for coffee, for I have evolved into a higher state of awesome.

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

At the job interview with one AirPod in.

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If you comment to say “No comment,” you have, in fact, commented.

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

People always love to claim that a celebrity’s death is β€œunexpected”, but they never actually release the data on which celebrities they expected to die that day.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I can feel your energy from two planets away.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Nostalgia isn’t as good as it used to be.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

All the observable evidence suggests that, if I was much worse at my job, I’d be more likely to get a promotion to senior management.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I hope you catch the bouquet at my funeral.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,728

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡ͺ has copied:

Just call me Mother Nature because I can go from hot to cold in a 24-hour period, too.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡³ has copied:

Twitter is cool because you can figure out what’s going on in the world through memes instead of watching the news.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¨ has copied:

Only time I believe a man is when he tells me that I’m pretty.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡© has bookmarked:

I did some soul searching last night. I’m happy to report I still have one.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡² has viewed:

Moving is legitimately one of the worst human experiences.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ύ has viewed:

Polar bears drinking Coca Cola is my favorite holiday vibe.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡­ has shared:

What base is it when you’re flirting with a woman, and she asks, β€œAre you all right”?

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ή has viewed:

Crazy part about being an overthinker is most times you right.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡Ώ has bookmarked:

I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer. Plus, it’s fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡Ί has copied:

If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Trending via TikTok:

It’s like winter is mad and keeps storming out, then coming back yelling ‘and another thing!’

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Starting a new show sucks. Who are these people?

Shared recently on Snapchat:

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Light is faster than sound. That’s why people seem so bright until you hear them talk.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

As you get older, you suddenly realize that the Smurf who hates everything is the normal one.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Having to pee when you’re driving is problematic. Having to sneeze when you’re driving is even more problematic.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Adult friendships are difficult. The people I get on best with never want to leave the house either.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Threw my back out due to overwhelming sensuality again.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Therapy is expensive, getting lost in the woods and never being seen again is free.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I’ve learned a lot over the years, but the best advice I can ever give someone is never buy a used harmonica.

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