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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

You ever get surprised by your own recurring issues? Like, come on man, I thought we were past this.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Apparently, if you leave your Tupperware cupboard unorganized for too long, they procreate, and extra lids appear out of nowhere.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

“I’m doing better than my parents at my age. They had, like, no followers.”

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Me drinking green tea: this is going to fix everything.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

I’m sorry that I’m canceling plans. I made them last week when I assumed that, by now, I’d be a different person.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

My dating checklist is down to “not the Unabomber”.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Sometimes I’ll call in, disguise my voice, and insist on speaking to me, or I’ll take my business elsewhere.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

The laundromat should give you XP and ranks like “Slimelord” and “Glunkfather,” based on how dirty your clothes are.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

Sending messages is easy. Living with them forever is the hard part.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,288

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

Nature just builds 30 foot trees. Without even pulling a permit.

Shared recently on X:

No one has ever believed in me more than this waitress, who brought me buffalo wings and a single wet nap.

Just shared via TikTok:

My problem is I buy outfits I don’t have shoes for and shoes I don’t have outfits for.

Making waves on Discord:

Watching 2+ movies a day to prevent a thought from happening.

Making waves on X:

Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.

Just landed via YouTube:

If a tree falls on your ex in the woods and no one’s around to hear it, you should probably still get rid of the chainsaw.

Spotted on WeChat:

For whom the doom scrolls!

Spotted on Twitch:

How do I even know this guy is my “boss”? I’ve just been taking his word for it.

Just landed via X:

My kids didn’t follow me into the bathroom so now I’m scared to leave and find out what they got into instead.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Applying for jobs sometimes is wild, like how am I supposed to be passionate about a company I don’t even work for yet?

We go together like coffee and cigarettes.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, yes, the classic combo of jittery energy with a side of lung damage! ☕🚬 Who needs a yawn when you can have a wheeze, right? 😂"

activity, addiction, cigarettes, coffee, compatibility, fun, fun activity, humor, relationship, together

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Needing to stretch is so funny. Your body is like “Ughhh, make me longer!”

0

2 months ago

activity, body, humor, longer, me, physical, physical activity, self-care, stretch
You look like the kind of person whose recorded calls have been used for training purposes.

0

2 months ago

age, call, call recording, calls, data, digital, digital age, funny insult, humor, insult, joke, kind, person, recorded, recording, sarcasm, tech, tech joke, training, training data, used
“I” before “E,” except when your foreign neighbor Keith receives eight counterfeit beige sleighs from weird, feisty, caffeinated weightlifters.

0

2 months ago

before, caffeinated, caffeinated weightlifter, counterfeit, counterfeit sleigh, E, eight, except, feisty, foreign, foreign neighbor, i, keith, name, name Keith, neighbor, number, number eight, rule, sleigh, spelling, spelling rule, weightlifter, weird
I’m not an early bird or a night owl, I’m some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon.

0

3 months ago

bird, early, early bird, exhausted, exhaustion, humor, night, night owl, owl, pigeon, sort, tired
When I said you had a “serial killer face” I had meant it as a compliment. Like, you look like you are very ambitious is what I meant.

0

2 months ago

ambitious, appearance, compliment, face, humor, i, irony, killer, meant, personality, serial, serial killer
Tariff this, tariff that. When is somebody gonna tariff my clothes and kiss me?

0

2 months ago

clothes, flirt, humor, kiss, longing, me, relationship, somebody, tariff, witty

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on Threads this month:

I’m at the gym and I just saw someone put their water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

25 shares on X this month:

Dads will insist the Masters is exciting while also napping through it.

64 shares on Discord this month:

I love the smell of freshly brewed delusions in the morning.

71 shares on YouTube this month:

What are some good jobs for someone with no passions, interests, motivation, social skills, or strengths?

14 shares on Messenger this month:

You’d think, with the amount of overthinking I do, I’d make the right decision.

43 shares on Threads this month:

One of the biggest struggles of being an adult is deciding what to make for supper. Every. Single. Night.

64 shares on WhatsApp this month:

White, black, yellow, brown, Democrat, Republican, man, woman, straight, gay, transgender, Jew, Christian, Muslim, young and old — you will all taste the same to the zombies.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

You can make friends in a doctor’s waiting room as long as you have something broken and not something coughing.

11 shares on Slack this month:

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

48 shares on Pinterest this month:

My showers take so long because I always hold a shower concert.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

I spend half the day wondering if it’s too late for coffee and the other half wondering if it’s too early for alcohol.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

That’s not my girl bestie, that’s my platonic wife.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

The best part of Thanksgiving is being with family and friends, and a vast array of pies.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Born to hate people. Somehow ended up in customer service.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

According to the web, caffeine deficiency is a life threatening condition for people around you.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

A fly swatter, but for close talkers.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

If it ain’t broke, my kids haven’t used it yet.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

I would pay extra for a dental hygienist who was comfortable with silence.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

There’s no post-breakup healing process for girls. You just wake up one day and be like, “Ew,” and you’re free.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Self-checkout is amazing for introverts until the machine breaks and two employees have to come fix it while you wait.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via LinkedIn:

So sad. Elvis died before he could see the Lego movie. He woulda been like, ‘Mama, those blocks are movin’ and shakin.’

Just landed via Discord:

“Don’t take this the wrong way!” Translation: Prepare for insult.

Spotted on Facebook:

I’ve been commissioned to kiss you on the lips. I need to get this done by tonight.

Just shared via Threads:

It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

Going viral on Pinterest:

These people act like they’ve never seen anyone wearing a Speedo in a laundromat before.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Spewing nonsense online is the most fun a depressed person is allowed to have in these twisted times.

Trending via Snapchat:

Before Facebook, we would hold people hostage inside our homes by showing them photo albums of our vacation.

Going viral on Threads:

I have been touched inappropriately by the sun today.

Spotted on Threads:

Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Not to be a nerd, but a well-placed semicolon is hot as hell.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

We go together like coffee and cigarettes.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Needing to stretch is so funny. Your body is like “Ughhh, make me longer!”

You look like the kind of person whose recorded calls have been used for training purposes.

“I” before “E,” except when your foreign neighbor Keith receives eight counterfeit beige sleighs from weird, feisty, caffeinated weightlifters.

I’m not an early bird or a night owl, I’m some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon.

When I said you had a “serial killer face” I had meant it as a compliment. Like, you look like you are very ambitious is what I meant.

Tariff this, tariff that. When is somebody gonna tariff my clothes and kiss me?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨