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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

I’m at the age where I see a huge, beautiful mansion in a movie and think, “How much does it cost to heat that house in the winter?”

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Potatoes make French fries, chips and vodka. It’s like the other vegetables aren’t even trying.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Ever since I learned the show is called Suits because of lawsuits and not because they wear suits, I have harbored a hot white rage within me beyond anything mankind has ever known.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

The main cause of immigration is we’re still a country where people want to go, but we’re working on fixing that.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

You’ve never burned music to a CD, and it shows.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

Folding laundry is like packing to stay home.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

I made the mistake of clicking on an Instagram ad for a flannel shirt, and now the algorithm thinks I’m a lumberjack.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Adulting is realizing you can’t skip work like you skipped school.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

“A healthy lifestyle is all about balance,” I say as I drive through Taco Bell after working out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,497

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

Some of you aren’t reading the room. Not even listening to the room on audiobook.

Just landed via Facebook:

I tried meowing back at the cat to show him I was making an effort, but he just switched to English.

Spreading quickly via X:

Writers should get a direct line to the FBI so we can call them and give them a heads up when we’re googling ways to poison someone but just for a story.

Just shared via YouTube:

I have neither the patience nor the crayons to show you why this is a bad idea.

Making waves on Facebook:

You know the nap is good when it left you marks.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

It’s been my experience that people seem a lot nicer before we get married.

Shared recently on Threads:

I never oversleep in the mornings. I set an alarm and a back-up alarm. Plus, there’s also a noisy kid once those fail.

Seen just now on Threads:

I didn’t mean to mimic your voice, I just had to know what it felt like to sound like that.

Just shared via Messenger:

When you really want to slap someone, do it and say, “Mosquito!

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I’ve touched enough cacti to know they are sharp, but also not enough to stop touching cacti.

We live in a cosmic tornado, but sure, let’s all get jobs.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Trying to hold down a job while the universe spins like a blender in the rinse cycle! 🌪️🍹 #CosmicJobFair"

chaos, cosmic, cosmic tornado, humor, irony, job, jobs, life, live, satire, sure, tornado

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Girls take a picture of their legs in a bubble bath and say “guess where I am”. The library?

0

2 months ago

am, bath, bubble, bubble bath, girls, guess, humor, i, irony, legs, library, media, picture, say, social, social media, take, where
Worst fears: 1. being infertile 2. being pregnant.

0

2 months ago

1, 2, being, contradiction, fear, fears, humor, infertility, pregnancy, pregnant, worst, worst fear
This meeting could have been an oil painting.

0

2 months ago

art, critique, humor, meeting, office, oil, oil painting, painting, sarcasm
Aura farming in front of old people by not listening to music nor checking my phone.

0

5 months ago

attention, aura, aura farming, behavior, checking, distraction, farming, front, funny situation, listening, music, old, old person, people, person, phone, public, public behavior, situation, social, social behavior
I’m no expert, but I don’t think the United Kingdom is very united.

0

2 months ago

comedy, expert, humor, i, joke, politics, sarcasm, satire, think, UK, unity
The angel and devil on my shoulders are both completely fed up with me.

0

3 weeks ago

angel, both, conflict, devil, frustration, humor, inner, inner conflict, me, self-awareness, shoulder, shoulders

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Twitch this month:

Sometimes you really do write a whole poem just to give one beautiful phrase a home.

64 shares on Slack this month:

“Do it scared!” Thanks, but I have done everything scared. When is it my turn to do it calm?

12 shares on X this month:

HR is giving me a hard time because I’ve been starting all my work emails with “Dearly Beloved”.

38 shares on Snapchat this month:

Elect a clown, expect a circus.

18 shares on Discord this month:

Everyone’s an empath until I need to borrow some cash.

70 shares on Discord this month:

“I’ll just iron my clothes for work in the morning,” he thought in stupid bachelor.

39 shares on Threads this month:

You ever go to a baseball game and hear a guy yelling, “hot dogs! hot dogs!” over and over again? That’s me, looking for hot dogs.

59 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I woke up from a deep sleep in a panic thinking I was late for work. Thankfully, I was already there.

86 shares on Threads this month:

My favourite thing about waking up at ridiculous o’clock is the solitude.

74 shares on TikTok this month:

If you bring an acoustic guitar to a bonfire, I’m going to assume it’s for fuel.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Stirring up shit at the wedding by going up to random people and saying “I think it’s so brave that you’re here”.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Going ballistic. Anyone need anything?

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Due to inflation, a picture is now worth 2300 words.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

Just as “magic spells” use special rhymes and archaic terms to signal their power, the convoluted language of legalese acts to convey a sense of authority.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

We used to have “spring, summer, fall, winter”. Today we have “drama, drama, drama, drama”.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Cool things happen when you start hanging out outside a lot. Animals just appear and stuff.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

My husband said it would be easier if we had a Christmas house that we moved into in December, instead of taking all these decorations out.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

In hell, you wait for a ‘verify your email address’ email that never arrives.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

My stomach just made the exact sound of the “your” in “your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system.”

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

No more fun facts. I want to know what your last nightmare was about.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

90% of my thoughts start with: “What can I eat now?”

Trending via Telegram:

Well, I’ve been depressed and poor, but sure, we’ll call it intermittent fasting.

Breaking via WeChat:

Why can’t men admit when they doze off? What’s wrong with them?

Shared recently on X:

Started from the bottom and I’m still ain’t shit.

Seen just now on YouTube:

On a scale of quack to quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack, what do you think of my duck-based numbering system?

Going viral on Facebook:

I don’t even believe myself when I say I’ll be ready in 5 minutes.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I don’t need coffee, misanthropy fuels me.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Handing over my ID at the post office. The clerk said, “You’ve aged quite a bit since this photo was taken.” I said, “Yes, I had it taken just before I joined this queue.”

Live now on Snapchat:

I’m an ethical hater. My hate towards you is informed, balanced, and deeply nuanced.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

We live in a cosmic tornado, but sure, let’s all get jobs.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Girls take a picture of their legs in a bubble bath and say “guess where I am”. The library?

Worst fears: 1. being infertile 2. being pregnant.

This meeting could have been an oil painting.

Aura farming in front of old people by not listening to music nor checking my phone.

I’m no expert, but I don’t think the United Kingdom is very united.

The angel and devil on my shoulders are both completely fed up with me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨