Wearing shorts and my pale legs screamed at the sensation of sunlight like vampires.

49 shares on YouTube this month:

My favorite yoga pose is reaching for the remote control on the far end of the table without falling off the couch.

65 shares on Threads this month:

I’m not moody; I’m just on shuffle.

67 shares on Instagram this month:

The difference between the Olympic village and a normal village is that not everyone in the Olympic village is related to each other.

85 shares on Facebook this month:

Can we not just call it Zealand now?

13 shares on Threads this month:

You’re never alone. There’s mold.

83 shares on Facebook this month:

At the dispensary asking which strain will stop the yearning.

96 shares on Messenger this month:

When I say I’m saving myself for marriage, what I mean is you won’t know how annoying I am until it’s too late.

23 shares on Twitch this month:

Can I be speaker? I’m pretty good at saying a lot without saying anything at all.

90 shares on Snapchat this month:

Waking up early is cool until it starts feeling like you’ve had a long day at 10 a.m.

44 shares on Telegram this month:

The early bird gets to cry for a little bit longer in the work parking lot.