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I fondly remember my days as a younger man when I didnโ€™t care what the weather was going to do.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no, this is just gardening facts.

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Onesies are amazing till you have to really pee in the middle of the night then you question all your lifeโ€™s decisions.

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Your brain needs exercise just as much as your body does. Thatโ€™s why I think of running everyday.

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Your honor, my client wasnโ€™t trying to stab the victim. He was checking to see if he was cake.

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โ€œHelp us improve Instagram!โ€ Nice try, fix your own damn website.

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Sometimes you show up to work, and they just torture you for hours.

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For International Womenโ€™s Day, Iโ€™m going to celebrate by hitting every curb I see.

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“Mom, how did we get so rich?” your father said, “Thanks, nothing from my end,” on thousands of important Zoom meetings.

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My kid’s superpower is knowing he wonโ€™t like a food before he even tries it.

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Welcome to your senior years, where you get mad when they rearrange the grocery store.

Welcome to your senior years, where you get mad when they rearrange the grocery store.

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Finding raspberries in the bread aisle? Checked. Becoming a grocery navigation expert? Loading… ๐Ÿž๐Ÿง๐Ÿ›’

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