Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Remember the good old days when you didn’t have to wonder if the person messaging you was a bot or not?

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

A peaceful transition of power happening between me and this cigarette just now.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

One of my favorite parts of grocery shopping is when somebody else does it for me.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

People who leave the blinds closed the entire plane ride: who hurt you?

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

If you were a dinosaur, you’d be a Gorgeousaurus.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun not to be able to open that drawer.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Money doesn’t impress me. Giving it to me does.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Home is where you trust the toilet seats.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

It’s a good friend who, when you want the truth, knows what truth you want.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

If elves make shoes, cookies, and toys, why don’t we put them in charge of more stuff?

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,384

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

Have nothing to say, I just wanted to appear in your newsfeed.

Spotted on Instagram:

I thought my friends in their 60s were making love in the other room but they were just putting on their socks.

Seen just now on Threads:

To get my cat to eat, I tell him about all the hungry cats in Catfrica.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Unfortunately for things, they have no choice but to work out for me.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Increasing the amount of high fives I give my boss each day until he quits his job.

Shared recently on Threads:

Missed garbage day today, if you’re looking for a bad boy that doesn’t play by the rules.

Freshly posted on Threads:

For the record, I use a turntable.

Going bananas on TikTok:

If I had 50¢ for every math test I’ve failed, I’d have $7.20.

Going viral on Instagram:

I got a raise! On my meds dosage. But still.

Making waves on Slack:

Nephew showed me his toys on FaceTime, and I had no toys to show him back. Humiliating.

Welcome to your senior years, where you get mad when they rearrange the grocery store.

2 months ago

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Finding raspberries in the bread aisle? Checked. Becoming a grocery navigation expert? Loading… 🍞🧐🛒

aging, frustration, grocery, grocery store, humor, mad, rearrange, senior, senior year, store, welcome, where, year

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Social Media Stars ⭐

26 shares on TikTok this month:

Only a couple more days until I come home and pretend I forgot about Valentine’s Day.

80 shares on Reddit this month:

After you do your laundry, you should be allowed to get in the dryer and tumble for a little. No charge.

68 shares on Facebook this month:

Sometimes your ankle takes a vacation while you’re walking.

79 shares on TikTok this month:

Last night’s dream could have been an email.

93 shares on Instagram this month:

Daniel Craig leaving Bond to become Benoit Blanc is one of the best things to ever happen.

82 shares on YouTube this month:

And to think I survived a global pandemic for this.

58 shares on Threads this month:

Ancient Egyptians used to worship cats and write on walls, a practice we still continue to do today on the Internet.

85 shares on Threads this month:

“I bought this while depressed” should be an acceptable reason to get a full refund on a return.

72 shares on X this month:

The divorce process is easier than breaking up with your hair stylist.

87 shares on Facebook this month:

I feel like smashing my phone would be cathartic.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

“I asked ChatGPT.” Okay, well, I asked Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Microwaves have zero chill. We get it, time is up. Calm down.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Always keep a dog eared book on your nightstand so that people think you know how to read.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life, or they are living it to the fullest.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

It infuriates me that computer Scrabble doesn’t get mad when I win even though I’m livid when it wins.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Not feeling fergalicious today, actually feeling pretty fergusting right now.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Opening the web before 9am is crazy. Like, did you even try to have a good day?

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

My brain doesn’t sea typos until I’ve already hit send.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

I hate when I get ready too quickly and have to sit on the couch, fully dressed, and wait like an idiot.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

Nobody sighs louder than an unemployed, debt-free dog who spends at least 16 hours a day sleeping.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I have absolutely no desire to stay in the loop.

Spotted on X:

I’m so lazy, I let my battles pick me.

Live now on X:

Before I die, I’m going to arrange for a friend to take my phone, and after the funeral, text everybody to say “thanks for coming” and other assorted messages of appreciation.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Finally, we’re living through precedented times.

Trending via Telegram:

Out of Office: I am on vacation. Your emails will be forwarded nowhere to be read by no one. Good day.

Shared recently on Reddit:

All I want is to live well and to die in a manner so bizarre and gruesome it can only be described with a German word.

Spotted on Reddit:

“Please feel free to ignore this email!” Way ahead of you, buddy.

Broadcasted on X:

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

Trending via Facebook:

I’m sorry I lied to you. I only did it for material gain. And to cause you psychological harm. And to prove I’m smarter than you.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Welcome to your senior years, where you get mad when they rearrange the grocery store.

No we can’t hangout, you’ll end up falling in love with me and I don’t have time for that.

If you have a Roomba, but don’t dress it up in little outfits, then what are you even doing?

Nothing ruins your weekend faster than remembering Monday is lurking in the shadows.

With great power comes a great electricity bill.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Welcome to your senior years, where you get mad when they rearrange the grocery store.

Keep the laugh going 😂

No we can’t hangout, you’ll end up falling in love with me and I don’t have time for that.

You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on social media every day.

If you have a Roomba, but don’t dress it up in little outfits, then what are you even doing?

Nothing ruins your weekend faster than remembering Monday is lurking in the shadows.

If I had my Pinterest wardrobe, I would be unstoppable.

With great power comes a great electricity bill.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨