Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Scientists say humans are the most evolved, but bears get to get fat all summer and then sleep for four months, so who’s really ahead.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Oh right, like you’ve never let your kids stay lost in a corn maze just a little longer.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Can someone call my keys? I forgot where I put them.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Being bi means you say both yay and bruh.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

Seaweed is great for when you want to eat pure salt but wish it had the texture of slime.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

The sexual tension between me and the person I’m not supposed to have any sexual tension with.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Isolation, the most goated coping mechanism. I love talking to no one and losing my mind alone.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

The audacity of my parents’ oldies station now playing 80s music.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times. You know, just to be sure.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

It’s pretty apt that the ‘i’ is in the middle of ‘hurricane’.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,622

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

My most boomer belief is that you can often get a malfunctioning appliance to work again by slapping it.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

If you see me in public, it’s AI.

Seen just now on Threads:

My husband loves it when he orders fries, I say I don’t want any, and then I swoop in on his like a seagull at the beach.

Just shared via Instagram:

“Pre” means before, and “post” means after. Using both at the same time would be preposterous.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

Spotted on Telegram:

My sweatpants sat me down and said they want me to get an office job again.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Called in, “Taking a gap year.”

Freshly posted on Discord:

This is no glow. This is the rage that boils inside me.

Just landed via Pinterest:

It’s like 10,000 Tupperwares when all you need is a lid.

Making waves on Facebook:

I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

What career is most compatible with the unemployed lifestyle?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Professional Nap Analyst! 😴💼 You can't get fired if you never get hired! 😂"

career, compatible, humor, joke, lifestyle, most, unemployed, unemployment, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

On my phone, you’ll never see contacts saved as ‘babe’ or ‘love.’ I save full names—first and last—like a government office.

0

3 months ago

babe, communication, contact, contacts, full, full name, government, government office, humor, i, identity, love, name, never, nickname, office, phone, phone contact, relationship, save, saved, texting
My retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding a buried treasure at some point.

0

2 months ago

adventure, buried, buried treasure, contingency, financial, financial security, finding, humor, hunt, me, plan, point, retirement, retirement plan, security, thinking, treasure, treasure hunt, wealth, wishful, wishful thinking
December you will be good to me (threateningly).

0

2 months ago

December, expectation, good, humor, me, month, threat, winter
Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.

0

2 months ago

cast, empowerment, gender, giant, humor, man, men, only, pit, power, right, sarcasm, serpent, smile, tell, thing, us, venomous, venomous serpent, want, woman, women
Sorry I’m late, my dog was sleeping in the shape of a donut and I had to take so many photos.

0

2 months ago

animal, cute, cute animal, distraction, dog, donut, funny moment, humor, i, late, moment, pet, photos, procrastination, shape, sleeping, sorry, take
I bought a bag of M&M’s and they don’t have M’s anymore. They all have W’s, for woke.

0

2 months ago

bag, candy, commentary, humor, i, joke, M&M, social, social commentary, woke, wordplay

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on Discord this month:

The problem is that younger me didn’t account for the fact that there’d be an older me.

67 shares on Reddit this month:

It’s that time of year again where I go to random restaurants to tell random women, “So this is why you cancelled our date?”, while they’re out with their significant others.

82 shares on Slack this month:

The price of groceries has gotten me thinking about what acorns taste like.

59 shares on Pinterest this month:

The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 8 hours of sleep.

26 shares on X this month:

When I die, I hope it’s early in the morning, so I don’t have to go to work that day for no reason.

30 shares on WeChat this month:

Back to work at last! I couldn’t sleep for sheer anticipation.

17 shares on Telegram this month:

Why do birds love going apeshit first thing in the morning?

19 shares on Telegram this month:

If A-B-C-D didn’t take their sweet time in the alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to sprint every time.

33 shares on Discord this month:

Don’t underestimate your white tee and denim jeans.

88 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m ugly but I can make u laugh.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

I like to be alone a lot; it’s nothing personal.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

A swear jar for Twitter would end world hunger.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Imagine hating me and I’m just here trying to push a door that says pull.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Asked a German woman why Germany produced so many legendary physicists / mathematicians, and her response was basically, “Have you considered educating people who aren’t rich?”

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

My body is 70% water and 30% tired of pretending I know what I’m doing.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

In an alternate universe, the hard way is always learning me.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug. But you’re not gonna like the performance.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

What song lyric resonates with you the most? Mine is “we’re tiny, we’re toony, we’re all a little loony”

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

To all the people with grammatical issues, don’t worry, I also have problems with badly timed periods.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I googled my symptoms and it turns out I just need this election to be over.

Trending via Discord:

Ginger ale is the champagne of soda.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I wish the homes of all my friends were connected to mine by secret underground tunnels.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

If you’re reading a book in public, you better be on at least page 140 or something.

Trending via Telegram:

If you ever find yourself mad at me, put a cape on so you can be super mad.

Live now on Snapchat:

People my age are doing so much, and I’m just at home reliving the same day over and over again.

Just landed via YouTube:

Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

Trending via Pinterest:

At this point of my celibacy, I can see the same colors as mantis shrimp. What do you know about blorange and gurple?

Going viral on Facebook:

Big fan of taking a huge bite and then nodding while I chew. You make an excellent point, food.

Shared recently on WeChat:

The minute I start feeling like a mother to a man, the relationship is over.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

What career is most compatible with the unemployed lifestyle?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

On my phone, you’ll never see contacts saved as ‘babe’ or ‘love.’ I save full names—first and last—like a government office.

My retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding a buried treasure at some point.

December you will be good to me (threateningly).

Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.

Sorry I’m late, my dog was sleeping in the shape of a donut and I had to take so many photos.

I bought a bag of M&M’s and they don’t have M’s anymore. They all have W’s, for woke.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨