Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

A treadmill minute is four times as long as a sleep minute.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

I hope we’re good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Delete a letter of his name from your contacts every time he makes you upset. When his name’s gone, he’s gone. Hangman that boy.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

I have no desire to rekindle anything with anyone. See you never.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Parents be like, “I gave you everything I had,” and by everything, they meant the collector’s edition boxed set of mental illness.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Coffee: Because without it I would be a serious danger to society.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Having a peanut allergy has to be so wild. Like, imagine you’re at a baseball game and there are people chucking bags of rattlesnakes past your head.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

“How would you describe yourself.” Me: I absolutely would not.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Every time I want to use a big word that I just know the meaning of, I Google it first, just in case.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,513

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

I’m pretty sure by now that we’re some kind of satire channel on some other planet.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

The next James Bond should be weird. Like he wears a train conductor’s hat and is afraid of balloons.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

Making waves on YouTube:

Zara makes clothing for occasions that don’t exist.

Going bananas on Discord:

If it’s a ghost ship, why does it have to be on water?

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

Trending via Threads:

Let’s ride this misunderstanding into the sunset.

Just landed via Twitch:

If a woman says she’ll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour.

Just shared via Messenger:

What part of “I need to save money” do I not understand?

Freshly posted on Instagram:

He died doing what he loved: trying to find out if gang members are ticklish.

What would boomers do without their paper shredder?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
They'd probably start a shredding playlist of power ballads from the 80s! 🎸🗑️🎶

boomer, Boomers, generation, humor, joke, paper, paper shredder, shredder, technology

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t mean to brag, but I can forget what I’m saying while I’m saying it.

2 months ago

brag, forget, forgetfulness, humor, i, mean, memory, saying, speaking, while
No revenge, because to know me only as a memory is to suffer.

2 months ago

humor, know, me, memory, only, revenge, suffer, suffering, wit
Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

2 months ago

ears, expectations, humor, husband, joke, marriage, me, nobody, separately, sold, told
Revenge has no expiry date. I will deal with you when I’m ready.

2 months ago

date, deal, expiry, humor, i, patience, payback, ready, revenge, timing
Men have feelings too! Hunger, for example. Or thirst.

2 months ago

comedy, example, feelings, humor, hunger, men, relationships, stereotypes, thirst, too
Thank god I played a lot of Tetris as a kid or I never would have been able to get everything into the freezer.

3 months ago

childhood, everything, freezer, gaming, gaming humor, God, humor, i, kid, never, nostalgia, organization, played, problem, problem-solving, solving, Tetris, thank

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Facebook this month:

If I was on Love Island, I would get wasted and drown in the pool, altering the course of every contestant’s life forever.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Building a snowman so I can punch it in the face.

91 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t think humans were put on this earth to know what Salesforce is. It’s unnatural.

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I just want someone who can see through all my bullshit and hate me for who I really am.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I love that my dog always comes home from the groomer wearing a bandana. It’s like he was only gone for three hours, but joined a gang in that time.

16 shares on Pinterest this month:

Being a goldfish must be brilliant. Every six seconds you’re pleasantly surprised to find that you live in a castle.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Them: Money doesn’t bring happiness. Me: Pass the money over here, I like to be sad.

67 shares on WeChat this month:

You want fast replies from a female? Argue with her!

40 shares on Messenger this month:

Welcome to your 40s. Your eyes are now like a camera someone doesn’t know how to focus.

24 shares on Discord this month:

I’m okay with being single. But at night, while I’m drunk, that’s too much.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

“Do it scared!” Thanks, but I have done everything scared. When is it my turn to do it calm?

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Someone said I should think before I speak and I said “eww what a horrible way to live”

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Student life is all about convincing your parents that you are studying, convincing your friends that you are not, and convincing yourself that you’ll study from tomorrow.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Oh my God, “unc” means uncool. I thought it meant uncle. Like you’re carrying the energy of someone’s weird uncle.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Maybe in another universe, I punched him in the face instead of staying quiet.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Home is where you can look ugly and enjoy it.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Watering plants qualifies as a hobby.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely responded to my telepathic messages.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

When people tell me “you’re going to regret that in the morning”, I sleep until noon because I am a problem solver.

Just shared via Messenger:

If you turn your phone off for 1 day, you’ll realize it’s still 2007 outside.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Proudly doing my part to cause the male loneliness epidemic.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I hope nobody sees me eating by myself and feels sorry for me. I’m having the time of my life.

Breaking via Messenger:

Vote for me and I will halve the calories in chocolate.

Seen just now on Threads:

You need a twins name suggestion? How about Kate and DupliKate?

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how quiet your bathroom exhaust fan was.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

He was clicking his pen 137 times a minute, Your Honor.

Shared recently on Instagram:

If you wake up early enough, you can go back to sleep for a few hours. Not everyone knows this.

Going viral on TikTok:

The delivery guy absolutely hates it when I call him my pizza mule.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

What would boomers do without their paper shredder?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I don’t mean to brag, but I can forget what I’m saying while I’m saying it.

No revenge, because to know me only as a memory is to suffer.

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

Revenge has no expiry date. I will deal with you when I’m ready.

Men have feelings too! Hunger, for example. Or thirst.

Thank god I played a lot of Tetris as a kid or I never would have been able to get everything into the freezer.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨