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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

If you see me looking zoned out, it’s because I’m having a therapy session with myself in my head.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

In an alternate universe, the hard way is always learning me.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone?

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

A Twitter swear jar could end world hunger.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Diabetes was the God of sugar.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

You don’t scare me. You’re not a parking garage that I can’t figure out how to get out of.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

I just agree with people so that they stop talking.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

No, I don’t comment, I voodoo doll like a real adult.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

I keep all my valuables near the front door so if burglars breaks in during the night they will not wake me up.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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777 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,939

Funny Quotes Topics

13,912

Funny Quotes Images

10,939

51 minutes ago

3,435

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I get it, drug commercials. I too like to dance while I describe all my side effects.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Sex is so embarrassing. Like, why did I want to do that to you?

Broadcasted on Messenger:

When I’m at a party, I pretend to be Pac-Man. I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.

Just shared via Telegram:

Unlike men, women would immediately admit their mistakes if they had any.

Trending via Threads:

I hate when I grab a live wire and everyone sees my damn skeleton.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

“You look tired”. No, I’m just ugly.

Seen just now on Discord:

Imagine hating me and I’m just here trying to push a door that says pull.

Reported on YouTube:

People need to understand the difference between want and need. Like, I want abs, but I need chocolate.

Going viral on Threads:

The romantic says that there is the right partner for everyone. The realist says: only one person has to choose the wrong one and then it won’t work out for everyone!

Just shared via Slack:

You say “multitask” like it’s a good thing.

When I finally snap it’ll be because I had to type my email address in on the TV.

4 months ago

When I finally snap it’ll be because I had to type my email address in on the TV.

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Commentary:
"Ah, the ultimate breaking point – the dreaded TV email address entry! 📺🤯 Who knew such a simple task could lead to utter madness and rage? It's the modern-day equivalent of losing your keys in a black hole! 🔑🕳️ Let's hope you keep your cool until the next episode of 'Typing Wars: Email Address Edition'!"

address, annoyance, email, frustration, humor, i, technology, TV, type, typing

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

777 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,939

Funny Quotes Topics

13,912

Funny Quotes Images

10,939

51 minutes ago

3,445

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Those astronauts that just landed? They should be greeted by chimpanzees on horses.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

The best way to contact me is to meet me in my dreams at 3 a.m.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Not wearing glasses anymore, I’ve seen enough.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

When this multivitamin kicks in I’m going to do so much success.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Happy return of “yes of course it’s bedtime, see how dark it is outside” to all parents who celebrate.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

We should all start texting each other like old time explorers. ‘Dearest friend, I have survived another week. The horrors persist.’

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

If I was a little smarter, I’d be aware of how stupid I am.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

You can tell a lot about a person by breaking into their home and going through their belongings.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Me, on New Year’s Eve: I think instead of kissing at midnight, I’m just going to go outside and scream.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I’m only drinking a lot of beer tonight because I need the room in the fridge.

Just shared via Facebook:

A garlic a day keeps the doctor away.

Just shared via Telegram:

The nice thing about getting older is that you don’t even have to be drunk to fall in the bushes.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

The one nice thing about your friends’ divorces is no one invites you to them.

Seen just now on Facebook:

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

Making waves on WeChat:

You live in a great city when you get pooped on by a seagull instead of a pigeon.

Trending via Twitch:

I kinda want a boyfriend but then where will I put my purse when I drive?

Broadcasted on Threads:

What base is it when he says, “I know you need it badly,” but he’s talking about sleep?

Broadcasted on Discord:

I regret to inform you that the secret to appearing well-read is to read.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Kids today will never understand how many ninjas there were in the 1980s.

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