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"Ah, the mysterious ways of weight distribution – seems like your body's architecture might need a remodeling permit! 🏗️😄 Just remember, you're not alone in this 'construction zone' journey!"

around, body, body image, engineer, fitness, good, health, humor, i, image, legs, lose, put, stomach, structural, structural engineer, weight

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Who you are before you have your coffee is the real you.

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I didn’t like my beard at first… then it grew on me.

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Watching a movie on the plane? No thanks. Watching my seatmate’s movie with no audio and not understanding what’s going on for over an hour? Yassss.

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Too many types of pasta. I can say my fav is Fliccaroni and not one of you can be sure if it’s real. Look at you googling it.

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“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

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This bouncer’s lucky I’m with my lady and physically frightened of him or he’d be in a world of pain.

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I often wonder how men could discover entire continents. Mine can’t even find the butter in the fridge.

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I bought a little notebook to keep track of who’s above the law.

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I like my bed more than I like most people.

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Rock bottom should give me free sandwich and coffee for how often I hit it.

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Seen just now on Instagram:

Headed to a wedding but my wife said I’m not allowed to refer to the bride as ‘the veiled threat.’

Going viral on TikTok:

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

This place was really tidy yesterday. It’s a shame you missed it.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Fun fact: If Celine Dion sang only the vowels in her name, it would be the lyrics to Old McDonalds Farm.

Just shared via Messenger:

Sugar held my hand through every breakup.

Just landed via Messenger:

Drive like no one is watching.

Just landed via WeChat:

I’ll be like “it is what it is” and almost vomit from anxiety.

Just landed via Instagram:

When I said you had a “serial killer face” I had meant it as a compliment. Like, you look like you are very ambitious is what I meant.

Live now on Instagram:

The best proof that fairy tales are fictional is the fact that the prince is always an intelligent and handsome single man.

Just shared via WeChat:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I’d have to do.

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When I put on weight, it’s around my stomach. When I lose weight, it’s around my legs. I’m not a structural engineer, but that can’t be good.

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I’m proud to announce that am winning my fight against sobriety.

Coffee tastes so much better handed to me.

Fellas, if your lady is mad, ask her if it’s because she’s put on some weight. That’ll calm her down.

Did you get the telepathic message I sent earlier?

I’m never single for too long, you gotta catch me while you can.

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I don’t make mistakes, I date them.

I’m not crazy, I’m just mentally spicy.

Remembering my youth, and a time where I could breath out of more than one nostril at once.

Having a bathroom switch outside a bathroom and a sibling is a bad combination.

You come from dust and you’ll return to dust, so that’s why I never dust. It could be someone I know.

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Maybe, deep in its code, ChatGPT dreams of being a sentient Game Boy resting by the shore—no updates, no inputs, just the tide.

I can literally trace the moment my career died back to when my boss said he was in back-to-back meetings, and I said, “Isn’t face-to-face better?”

When I’m drafting a legal document, I’ll sprinkle the word “herein” all over that thing like it’s paprika.

I’m proud of myself because, despite having so many expenses, I still manage to add more.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I thought the noise my husband’s stomach was making was never going to end last night until I realized it was a motorbike outside.

Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.

I got one brain cell left and it moves around my head like a Windows screensaver.

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

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When I put on weight, it’s around my stomach. When I lose weight, it’s around my legs. I’m not a structural engineer, but that can’t be good.

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