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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

I thought my mixed signals were perfectly clear.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

The Jaws theme stays on during sex.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

I can’t watch Sex and the City anymore, because I get really upset at how much money these ladies have.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

I don’t always cook dinner but when I do, I use every pan in the kitchen.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

All pants are tear away pants if you’re strong enough.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Hi, where do you meet someone without dating apps and if you never leave your apartment? I need tips, please. Urgently!

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Sorry, Mom, I can’t go outside, I’m ugly.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Too poor for Ozempic but too undisciplined for strict diet and exercise. Is there a secret third option?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2305 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,467

Funny Quotes Topics

15,179

Funny Quotes Images

12,467

Updated

57 minutes ago

Users Online

3,435

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

I don’t hate you, but I hope you run out of hot water before you’re finished your shower.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Sorry I’m late — I was standing in the shower, thinking about stuff.

Live now on Instagram:

Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

Shared recently on Discord:

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I like my Jims slim and my chances fat.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Sometimes, fasting from people is also important.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences largely goes unnoticed.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

That “so we done?” be saving the relationship every time.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Is it healthier to drink tap water and let the fluoride calcify my pineal gland or drink bottled spring water and let micro plastics settle in my balls?

Making waves on Slack:

They should release the Epstein list right before the Oscars.

When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.
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Commentary:
Well, looks like even God has his own VIP section and doesn't bother with staff meetings! 🤣🙏 After all, running the universe must keep him pretty busy. #BossMoves #HeavenlyHierarchy

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2305 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,467

Funny Quotes Topics

15,179

Funny Quotes Images

12,467

Updated

57 minutes ago

Users Online

3,451

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Stop hating yourself for everything. Be specific.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

I tried to take a picture of myself in the shower, but my camera kept fogging up. I have selfie steam issues.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Your honor, my client doesn’t like jail.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

McDonald’s only giving me 9 Chicken Nuggets instead of 10 is how my villain origin story began.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

You know you’re getting old when you have to watch shows that are in English with subtitles.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Don’t be part of the problem. Be all of it.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

I think God was high when he made me.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Are oranges called oranges because they are orange, or is the color orange called orange because an orange is orange?

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Me, first week as a volunteer firefighter thinking we only rescue cats: We’re going where?

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

I think some outfits just aren’t meant to be worn unless you’re getting straight into a car.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

If the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree, my kids are screwed.

Trending via Discord:

I take offense when people don’t invite me to events l’d like to turn down.

Making waves on Instagram:

I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

Spotted on Discord:

I’ve named my couch American Idle.

Just landed via Pinterest:

This gum has my stomach convinced food is coming.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I just agree with people so that they stop talking.

Shared recently on X:

Does bisexual mean twice as sexual or once every other sexual?

Freshly posted on Instagram:

There are so many people going to hell. I’m thinking of investing in some property there.

Shared recently on X:

Coffee is just goth water.

Just landed via Messenger:

My apologies to your congregation. I totally misunderstood when you asked for missionary volunteers.

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