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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

A girl was coming over till she wasn’t—that’s what happened.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

I believe libraries are our proof that we once valued curiosity.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

I can understand why chickens wake up and scream.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

My mouth moves faster than my survival instincts.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Told my homie I was “going through it” and he just said “go around it”.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

America is truly the best country in the world at not learning from their mistakes.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Washing your face and water going down your elbow is so sickening.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,261

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via TikTok:

Growing your own tomatoes really is the best way to devote 3 months of your life to saving $2.17.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I’m going to break into your house and steal that thing with the little wheels on it under the plate in your microwave.

Just shared via YouTube:

People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Ctrl Alt delete my fat.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I’m so vulnerable to nostalgia. The sun will go down and I’ll be like: “Wow… remember when the sun was up… I miss who I was then”

Going bananas on Slack:

I swear people go to Starbucks and just say random words. “Lemme get a grande iced mocha no foam quad soy hexagon vortex hypothesis with steamed ice”.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

Seen just now on TikTok:

I skip questions on exams like I’m gonna be a different person when I come back to them.

Going bananas on WeChat:

“November Rain” is just 9 minutes of me realizing I’m too dramatic to date someone with healthy coping skills.

Going bananas on Discord:

Am I finishing my education or is my education finishing me?

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
😂💥 "Because even the English language knows when to show some cheeky restraint! 🚀🍑"

assteroid, hemorrhoid, humor, joke, medical, medical humor, medical joke, play, play on words, pun, why, wordplay, words

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Kendrick inspires me to be a bigger, deeper, more passionate hater.

0

2 months ago

bigger, deeper, hater, humor, inspire, irony, Kendrick, me, motivation, passionate
The one nice thing about your friends’ divorces is no one invites you to them.

0

2 months ago

divorce, event, friend, friends, humor, invitation, loneliness, nice, sarcasm, social, social event, thing
I’m thinking stuff like “yeah” and also stuff like “yup.”

0

2 months ago

affirmation, agreement, casual, informal, slang, stuff, thinking
When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be older. Well, I wasn’t expecting this shit!

0

2 months ago

adulting, aging, disappointment, frustration, humor, i, life, nostalgia, older, sarcasm, shit, wait, well, young
If you stare at your face in the back of a spoon you look a lot like someone who doesn’t know how to use cutlery.

0

2 months ago

back, cutlery, face, humor, kitchen, know, reflection, self-image, someone, spoon, stare
Do people who spend a fortune on outdoor heating know they can just go inside?

0

2 months ago

comfort, expense, fortune, heating, humor, indoor, inside, irony, just, know, outdoor, outdoor heating, people, practicality, spend, temperature

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on Facebook this month:

What if your dog one day just randomly said “Nobody is going to believe you” and never spoke again.

72 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sorry I marked myself as safe on Facebook after your PowerPoint presentation.

98 shares on Telegram this month:

Knowing I’ve been called crazy, but never ugly, is how I sleep at night.

51 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I hate listening to a rapper that I used to adore, and they just don’t have it anymore.

55 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m currently on a really effective diet called “I only have twenty dollars until payday”.

55 shares on YouTube this month:

Inventor of pink lemonade: yes, exactly the same, but cute and for the girls.

29 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’s now socially acceptable again to clap when the plane lands.

97 shares on Slack this month:

There’s nothing worse than accidentally becoming an important person at your job.

91 shares on Slack this month:

Sorry, can’t. I took my bra off and threw it across the room an hour ago. There’s no coming back from that.

76 shares on WeChat this month:

Wolves are just dogs that nobody has called a “good boy” yet.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

First time buying fireworks, and I wasn’t sure I’d picked the right ones until the salesman gave me a wink and high-foured me.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Your first non-broke girlfriend will change your whole perspective about relationships.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

I really thought adulthood would be 50% freedom and 50% fun. Turns out it’s 100% bills.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

I only obey the traffic rules to get on other peoples’ nerves.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

One pretty important part of being a dad is walking faster than the rest of your family through an airport.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

I don’t have a new year resolution, you don’t need that when you’re perfect.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Another fine day ruined by waking up.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Kinda in the mood to let my feelings impair my judgement.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

A general rule of parenting: if you’re having a great day, the day isn’t old enough yet.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

There are two types of people at work: Those who work and those who have become pros at looking busy.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

Freshly posted on X:

I’m never really sure what to do with my hands when I go jogging, so I don’t go jogging.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Phew, I thought the weather was broken because there was this weird yellow thing in the sky. But all’s well, it’s raining again.

Just shared via Discord:

It’s funny how sometimes you buy a book, then read it in two days, and sometimes you buy a book, and it lives on your bookshelf for 12 years.

Going viral on X:

I’m writing a parenting book called ‘Kids won’t listen until you scream like your mother did’.

Making waves on Facebook:

If I were a category, I’d be “miscellaneous.”

Trending via Instagram:

When I quit my job I’m setting one last OOO message that just says “your email will never find me again”

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

When you turn 50, they change the lightbulb in your fridge to that memory eraser from Men in Black.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Making eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk and saying “it’s crazy that they just let me walk around, haha”.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Kendrick inspires me to be a bigger, deeper, more passionate hater.

The one nice thing about your friends’ divorces is no one invites you to them.

I’m thinking stuff like “yeah” and also stuff like “yup.”

When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be older. Well, I wasn’t expecting this shit!

If you stare at your face in the back of a spoon you look a lot like someone who doesn’t know how to use cutlery.

Do people who spend a fortune on outdoor heating know they can just go inside?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨