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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

For this Halloween I’ve trained my eyebrows to leap off my face and destroy those who’ve angered me.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

So many people say they love their Roomba, but you never see them set it free.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Reverse cowgirl, so we can both address the elephant in the room.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

When is a robot gonna take over my job? Please?

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Whispering to paramedic before I pass out: save me, but not enough that I have to go to work tomorrow.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

If small talk burned calories, maybe I’d consider it.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

A dating app to meet other people with low IQ called OK Stupid.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

The French only eat snails because they don’t like fast food.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

My retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding a buried treasure at some point.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Grocery stores should have baskets in the middle of the store for those “I really overestimated how much I can carry” moments.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,717

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Isn’t it weird we have a little voice in our head, like the one you’re using to read this?

Seen just now on Twitch:

I think nervous flatulence would be helpful if you were ever kidnapped.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I didn’t like my beard at first… then it grew on me.

Making waves on Instagram:

Forget my browser history, when I finally pass from this earth, please delete my calculator history because it’s way more embarrassing.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

The share button on Reddit should be called Spreddit.

Making waves on Telegram:

I be like “communication is the key” then put my phone on do not disturb.

Seen just now on Twitch:

This Monday could have been an email.

Trending via Messenger:

Stupidity begins where irony is no longer understood.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

When the moon hits your eye like it’s 5:45, that’s November.

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
😂💥 "Because even the English language knows when to show some cheeky restraint! 🚀🍑"

assteroid, hemorrhoid, humor, joke, medical, medical humor, medical joke, play, play on words, pun, why, wordplay, words

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Why does the weekend always feel like it lasts five minutes?

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2 months ago

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Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

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2 months ago

breathe, carbon, carbon dioxide, dioxide, humor, i, nature, plants, remember, reminder, self-worth, useless
Lasagna has never broken my heart. Just saying.

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2 months ago

broken, food, heart, humor, just, lasagna, love, never, relationship, saying
I’m really looking forward to another exciting year staring at my phone.

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2 months ago

another, anticipation, exciting, exciting year, forward, humor, life, looking, modern, modern life, phone, staring, technology, year
You’re telling me people get eight hours of sleep? Like in one night?

0

2 months ago

disbelief, hours, me, night, people, sarcasm, sleep
My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.

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2 months ago

acronym, after, asking, communication, favorite, humor, know, means, military, misunderstanding, right, someone, tradition

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s almost time to put away my black summer clothes and bring out my black fall clothes.

99 shares on Discord this month:

Everyone’s worried about a recession, but babes, we’re heading for a dark age.

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m not speaking to my husband, and I don’t think he even knows it.

77 shares on Facebook this month:

Dissecting an alien and getting bitterly jealous at their crazy organs.

75 shares on TikTok this month:

God forbid a girl uses shopping as her coping mechanism.

43 shares on Facebook this month:

Welcome to your 40s! You’re gonna need several doctors, no matter how many apples.

71 shares on YouTube this month:

Who needs therapy when you can gaslight yourself into thinking that everything is fine?

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

When I say I’m tired, the “of people” is silent.

63 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The season is back when women are 80% scarf.

12 shares on Slack this month:

Honestly, I don’t think I have any more new passwords left in me. You wanna steal my identity? Go ahead, I hope you enjoy debt and terrible posture.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

The elderberry is the wisest and most knowledgeable of all the berries.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Ratatouille is hilarious because the villain wasn’t even evil; he just didn’t want food cooked by rats?!?

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

Imagine playing Truth or Dare and they dare you to go home.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Not now, I’m befriending a crow and teaching it how to deliver handwritten love notes.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Someone asked me if I had any hobbies and I panicked and said “lasagna”.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Love it when my brain is like, “You forgot something,” and then refuses to elaborate.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

The sweet spot is just enough pain to know you’re alive, but not quite enough to wish you were dead.

Making waves on Threads:

What do you even say when someone knocks on your bathroom stall … like, what’s the protocol?

Spotted on Instagram:

A gentleman always straightens out the vending machine after shaking it.

Trending via Slack:

Prophecy class has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

Just shared via Facebook:

Have you fallen in love with me yet, or do I need to post more nonsense?

Making waves on Discord:

My ideal workday would be from 9:00 AM to 9:07 AM

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I think my dog always follows me to the bathroom because I always follow him outside and he thinks that’s the way it works.

Just shared via Twitch:

Half the world is mentally ill. The other half is to blame.

Making waves on X:

Been there, done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Here’s to a new year of making the same old mistakes, but with far more enthusiasm.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Why does the weekend always feel like it lasts five minutes?

Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

Lasagna has never broken my heart. Just saying.

I’m really looking forward to another exciting year staring at my phone.

You’re telling me people get eight hours of sleep? Like in one night?

My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨