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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ญ has bookmarked:

I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but Iโ€™m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡จ has downloaded:

I hate when someone on a magazine cover stares at me while I eat.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡จ has downloaded:

Any cults got something wild planned anytime soon? Iโ€™m trying to find the good estate sales.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has bookmarked:

If boring was a brand, youโ€™d be the ambassador.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฌ has downloaded:

โ€œDonโ€™t take this the wrong way!โ€ Translation: Prepare for insult.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has viewed:

I could be a morning person, if morning was sometime around noon.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has bookmarked:

I only drink when I people.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡จ has bookmarked:

Good morning to lifeโ€™s chaos, where my coffee is the only thing that makes sense!

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฏ has downloaded:

Current situation: lying in bed, trying to manifest breakfast.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ง has shared:

Digging my own grave, because I gotta do everything around here.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,693

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Just shared via Twitch:

Being naked with shoes on feels more naked than being totally naked.

Just landed via Twitch:

There are two types of people at work: Those who work and those who have become pros at looking busy.

Live now on TikTok:

Prior to the arrival of Paper and Scissors, Rock faced no competition.

Shared recently on Threads:

Cats are probably like: Oh, I should follow you on Litterboxd.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

This tape doesnโ€™t even taste like scotch.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Ugh, sometimes I just wish there was a song about liking to move it, move it.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Pretty annoying when someone unfollows me before I can conduct their exit interview.

Spotted on Discord:

When kids try to guess your age it will either be completely flattering or utterly devastating, but never correct.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Introverts donโ€™t recharge with sleep, we recharge by being left completely alone for 3โ€“5 business days.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Imagine hating me and Iโ€™m just over here doing an epic air-drum solo to โ€˜In The Air Tonightโ€™.

Why is adulthood just bills and wondering what to eat?

Humorous text questioning adulthood as just bills and food dilemmas.
Download image โ†“

Commentary:
"Adulting: Brought to you by the 'What Should I Eat?' committee and the 'Bills, Bills, Bills' club! ๐Ÿ•๐Ÿ’ธ"

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Trending Funny Quotes ๐Ÿ‘‡

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Social Media Stars โญ

59 shares on Reddit this month:

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Lord, they down here giving us bills every month after you already paid the price.

23 shares on Facebook this month:

Are you gonna meow for me or what, bro?

14 shares on Reddit this month:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had a can opener that actually works?

12 shares on Snapchat this month:

โ€œOh, Iโ€™d love to but I canโ€™t.โ€ Translation: I donโ€™t want to so I wonโ€™t.

37 shares on Messenger this month:

After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

70 shares on Facebook this month:

Ladies, repeat after me: “I was wrong and I am sorry!”

57 shares on Slack this month:

Be the nonsense you wish to see in the world.

38 shares on WeChat this month:

Yโ€™all ever postpone an outfit? Like, nah, let me save this for a better day? Same.

35 shares on Facebook this month:

Men donโ€™t eject their eyes from their sockets and yell awooga anymore.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

13 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

My lip gloss used to be poppin’, now it’s my knees.

20 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

As a girl, I should be allowed to speak to the moon directly.

9 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Men be like, โ€œI want you.โ€ Yeah, to suffer.

23 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I caught your husband cheating on you at an Alanis concert, and thought you, you, you oughta know.

14 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

The problem is that younger me didn’t account for the fact that there’d be an older me.

5 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I love being single because how could I explain a 2 p.m. – 5 p.m. nap on a Saturday.

21 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

19 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Toothpaste sure knows how to ruin whatever youโ€™re drinking.

12 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I wonder how many new moms try to pick out a unique name for their baby only to later learn itโ€™s the name of an antidepressant.

17 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

If you fall asleep long enough, the steering wheel gives you a pillow.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,415

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has downloaded:

“Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” is now 40 years old. If you have an earworm now, you also have back pain.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has downloaded:

Blocking someone isnโ€™t enough; I need their PornHub videos to always buffer, just as they’re about to climax.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ผ has shared:

Ever read something so magnificently stupid that you have to just stare into space for a little while and reconcile with your brain for having been subjected to it?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ช has copied:

I’m at the age where I can remember things that never happened.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ธ has bookmarked:

Iโ€™m forced to conclude that not liking my posts is a you problem.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ณ has shared:

It’s actually quite simple: I don’t want to eat less, I just want to weigh less.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ด has downloaded:

Twitter sucks so much, but randomly there are such funny tweets, so I wait, like a frog, for one delicious fly.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has downloaded:

Girls these days are like a box of chocolates. Some have nuts.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ณ has shared:

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡พ has downloaded:

The โ€œ-ificationโ€ essay pandemic.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Making waves on Twitch:

(Flirting) Whatโ€™s every single thing youโ€™ve ever thought?

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I would love to go back to the days when the biggest stress was finding the best hiding place when playing hide and seek.

Making waves on Instagram:

You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

My sleep schedule and I are not on speaking terms.

Trending via LinkedIn:

People with air fryers really love to tell you what they air fry.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I got called “pretty” today! Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying,” but I only focus on the positive things.

Shared recently on Threads:

If you talk about astrology, and no one stops you, it means you must be incredibly pretty.

Just landed via Threads:

I highly recommend having hobbies. It distracts you from things like falling in love.

Making waves on Telegram:

Daylight savings is not enough. You need to be daylight investing.

Just shared via Pinterest:

That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you’re shopping for something else because they just won’t budge.

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