Wife asked if I could stop singing Wonderwall. I said maybe…

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Anytime I switch deodorants, it’s like a sexy stranger is following me around all day.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

I don’t have any generational wealth but I did inherit a great spaghetti sauce recipe.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

If you want your teen to finish her homework, tell her to fold the laundry.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Got possessed by a demon once, and everyone was like, “OMG, did you do something with your hair?”

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

I identify as a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I go down when you really want me.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

I’ve got to start taking better care of myself. Tomorrow I’ll walk to the liquor store.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

All mushrooms are edible. Some only once.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Today is the Mondayest Thursday that has ever been mistaken for a Friday in the history of Wednesdays.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Okay, seen enough, someone put a blanket over my cage.