Winter. You get up, drink coffee and then it gets dark.

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After much deliberation, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m an overthinker.

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Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.

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There is no bigger lie than “fun for the whole family”.

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I love surprising my girl, today she woke up single.

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Ask your doctor if it’s right for you to eat oranges and pretend they’re planets and you’re a Greek god.

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Everyone focused on the lip filler, but it’s really the chin filler that is the real villain.

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She never lets ideas interrupt the easy flow of her conversation.

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Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in square boxes, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women.

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If I learned anything in college, it’s that pepper spray only stings for a couple hours.

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The dude who invented the autocorrect has died. Restaurant in piece.