Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

My fridge turns into a food retirement home, as soon as I buy groceries.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

It’s way too easy to lie online. I was just telling Beyoncé about that the other day.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

I already know how it will end. One of my children will unplug my life support to charge their phone.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Sometimes I have to turn off the news and put on a true crime documentary, so I can relax.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Unfortunately, you have to almost worship the ground I walk on for me to believe you’re into me.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Being the forward-thinking person I am, I kept my winter fat through the summer.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

The way that we’re constantly told not to eat silica gel makes me suspect that it contains all the world’s forbidden knowledge.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

God: “Free will was a bad idea. I should have charged for it.”

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Drivers seem to underestimate how willing I am to get knocked down at a zebra crossing to prove a point.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

I wish tree puns were more poplar.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,407

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

Looking forward to another year of crushing reality and unfulfilled dreams.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Remember, for some unknown reason Santa doesn’t make batteries.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

“Slipping in the shower and trying to hold on to the water jet…” Shall I tell you more about myself?

Spotted on Slack:

I’m not tispy. I’m merry.

Just shared via Threads:

If she replies to your sarcasm with more sarcasm, that’s a whole life.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Nike: Just Do It! Me: I don’t want to.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Alcohol: When you want to run away from your problems without moving.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

My favorite thing to do on the weekend is not leave my house.

Seen just now on Reddit:

“Stop overthinking.” Oh, wow. Hadn’t considered that. Solved.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Have you tried just not thinking about it? Like, ever again?

Women are actually very understanding if you’re honest with them, especially if they like you. You don’t even have to do all that lying.

3 weeks ago

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Commentary:
Just trying to save everyone some creative writing time 😂📝💔

actually, communication, even, honesty, humor, lying, relationship, understanding, woman, women

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Catching me in person is rare. I move like a ghost.

0

3 months ago

catching, elusive, ghost, humor, i, me, move, movement, person, personality, rare
My whole life is basically a blooper reel.

0

2 months ago

blooper, humor, life, mistakes, moments, reel, whole
Until I open the wrapper and look inside it’s Schrödinger’s Kit Kat.

0

2 months ago

chocolate, humor, i, inside, joke, kat, kit, Kit Kat, open, physics, Schrodinger, surprise, uncertainty, wrapper
I’m not here to offend anyone; I’m here to offend everyone.

0

2 months ago

anyone, bold, comedy, everyone, here, humor, irony, joke, offend, provocative, sarcasm
My recliner and I go way back.

0

2 months ago

back, comfort, furniture, home, humor, i, nostalgia, recliner, relationship, relaxation
Tupperware is filing for bankruptcy. They would have kept a lid on the news but they couldn’t find one.

0

2 months ago

bankruptcy, containers, humor, lid, news, pun, storage, Tupperware

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.

17 shares on Facebook this month:

Go ahead and use that semi-colon; no one will know you’re doing it wrong.

89 shares on Discord this month:

So crazy to just be living every day through the slow-motion car crash of escalating fascism, and it’s still like, “Aww, man, I have to go to the dentist.”

98 shares on Discord this month:

I’m not saying I’m old, but when I was in school, we made our parents ashtrays for Christmas.

13 shares on Snapchat this month:

Having children is a pyramid scheme.

26 shares on X this month:

The human brain is amazing. It functions 24/7 from the day we’re born and only stops when you’re taking a test or speaking to someone attractive.

45 shares on TikTok this month:

I want to be so rich that when I see a spider in my house I won’t kill it, I’d buy another house.

11 shares on WeChat this month:

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

41 shares on YouTube this month:

Save money by accidentally forgetting your wallet at home. Follow me for more financial tips and tricks.

92 shares on Twitch this month:

Is it socially acceptable to wear pajamas all day if you’re constantly holding a coffee cup?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

I have a man cold. Goodbye, world. Tell my story.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

A fun thing to do on a first date is wear a wedding dress.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

I think we all need to go out into an empty field and just scream for about an hour.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

They should have made a pool raft that looked like a broken door when Titanic was in theaters. I bet it would have sold millions.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

I’m only here while I wait for that Nigerian prince to follow through on his end of the bargain.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Before we all die from nuclear war or a global climate crisis, can we get a little alien invasion as a treat.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

It’s almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my fancy Christmas anxiety.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m awake and working. Please respect my privacy during these trying and emotional times.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

I hope one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

Smithereens is the worst way to get blown.

Trending via YouTube:

Be the one that gets asked to remove the hockey mask, during a conference call, on Friday the 13th.

Shared recently on Slack:

Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

Just shared via Facebook:

Hate it when my mouth says something my brain was trying to keep quiet.

Trending via WeChat:

November should have one more day. Just because to me November 31st sounds real. And also I don’t want to pay rent tomorrow.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I’m not tispy. I’m merry.

Live now on Messenger:

You should be allowed to go home early from work if you miss your dog a lot.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Hanging out with your parents as an adult is so interesting, cause it’s like, “Oh, so that’s why I’m like this.”

Seen just now on YouTube:

Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm is the police.

Making waves on Telegram:

I hope the coffee hits harder than reality does.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Women are actually very understanding if you’re honest with them, especially if they like you. You don’t even have to do all that lying.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Catching me in person is rare. I move like a ghost.

My whole life is basically a blooper reel.

Until I open the wrapper and look inside it’s Schrödinger’s Kit Kat.

I’m not here to offend anyone; I’m here to offend everyone.

My recliner and I go way back.

Tupperware is filing for bankruptcy. They would have kept a lid on the news but they couldn’t find one.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨