Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Super excited about a brand new day of ignoring my problems.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Shout-out to the lifeguard who recommended moving the potato to the front of my Speedo.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Whenever my Mother-in-Law’s stories end with “And I turned out OK” I’m looking around like who’s gonna tell her.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Finally it’s Friday and I can go out. I’m putting the garbage out and I’ll be right back.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Grateful for independence mostly because British food is gross.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Don’t talk to me while my earphones are in, man, I’m at a concert.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Don’t fall in love. It’s bad.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Someone at my job mentioned severance, and I was like, “Oh my God, I love that show,” and they said, “No, I’m about to get fired.”

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Being quiet in a room full of loud people is my favorite sport.