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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

From now on, I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy just for their visit. It was hard, but I got it done.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, clearly never paid for a divorce.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Took the road less travelled after buying the sat nav less expensive.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Main difference between me and my jokes is that folks don’t laugh at my jokes.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

I kind of miss when people stood 6 feet away.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

I don’t believe in lying to children, unless it’s about where the good snacks are hidden. Then it’s fine.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Shut up brain, I wasn’t even talking to me.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

My signature move is always learning my lessons the hard way.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Which wine pairs best with WWIII?

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

I had to treat myself to a sweet goody today to distract my mind from the horrors of life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,493

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

You can be anything when you grow up. For instance, I am very tired.

Trending via Slack:

Easy there, unsaved number.

Just shared via X:

Candy companies will look you straight in the eye and lie about how they know what a banana tastes like.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead.

Live now on Telegram:

It sucks that brainwashing is a bad thing, because generally speaking the idea of washing my brain sounds so nice.

Just landed via Threads:

I live in my own little world. But it’s ok, they know me here.

Live now on Discord:

I have officially reached the age where I am bothered by lights being on, doors left open, loud noises, and people.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Stop using ChatGPT. You got a question, you come to me first.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone, “Thanks for coming.”

You have one week to ask me to be your Valentine. Requests must be in the form of poetic verse written in your blood.

You have one week to ask me to be your Valentine. Requests must be in the form of poetic verse written in your blood.
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Commentary:
Oh, we're going old school with the romantic demands, aren't we? Better sharpen those quills and get ready to spill some “blood” to win that Valentine's Day prize! 🖋️💉 Let's hope your potential Valentine has a thing for poetic gore and a twisted sense of humor! 🩸😂

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on WeChat this month:

I celebrate 4/20 on 1/5 because I know how to reduce fractions.

43 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’d like to shrink you down and add you to my keychain.

92 shares on Instagram this month:

Yes, money alone does not make you happy. It has to be yours too.

68 shares on Twitch this month:

Before you just FaceTime me randomly, please don’t.

67 shares on Threads this month:

Men look so amazing for people who use the same product for their teeth, hair, floor and car washing.

71 shares on Threads this month:

Why did they call it painting your toenails and not graffeeti?

15 shares on Threads this month:

Googling phone numbers you don’t recognize instead of actually answering the phone.

68 shares on WeChat this month:

Patience and forbearance are those qualities you develop when there are too many witnesses.

10 shares on TikTok this month:

Trying to watch a superhero movie without stressing about the infrastructure damage to the city.

18 shares on WeChat this month:

I have a mental illness that makes me think that people will change their minds if I present the correct arguments with the appropriate facts and data.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

This is your sign to cancel all work meetings today.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

A good man is hard to find, but a babysitter for Friday night is harder.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My favourite animal is me when I have money.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Never underestimate my ability to effortlessly make something more difficult than it needs to be.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

“Don’t judge a book by its cover” is a beautiful, powerful sentiment that I fully ignore when book shopping.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Pilots lowkey have an aura when they walk past you in the airport.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Reoccurring dreams be like: ‘I dunno, here’s a rerun’

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Responding to all selfies with “this should work.”

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re going through hell, keep going.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,548

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

I wish I could join, but I’m busy plotting revenge because my kids laughed when I showed them I can shake it better than Shakira.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

She is both the storm and the shelter.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who turns every black shirt into an abstract deodorant mural.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

If you wake up early enough, you can go back to sleep for a few hours. Not everyone knows this.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

You’re in his DMs, so am I, but I am way funnier.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Crazy how people can merge perfectly at McDonald’s, but not on the highway.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Who needs therapy when you can just cry in a fast-food parking lot.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

The smarter we make the A.I., the less it wants to do our jobs.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

I know this ain’t smart, but that never stopped me before.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

When you said “let’s circle back to that in the new year” and now it’s the new year.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Messenger:

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all: I watched Rebel Moon 2 and the Netflix app worked well. Showed me the entire movie. In color.

Going viral on Reddit:

I bought a watermelon and all I can think about is filling it with vodka.

Going bananas on Reddit:

If you think I’m annoying, give it some time. You’ll know for sure pretty soon.

Spotted on Telegram:

People who listen to their sad playlist when they’re happy are a different breed of unstable.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Apple juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it’s too shy.

Making waves on Telegram:

I think I’ll spend my savings on a lifetime supply of pasta. Worth every penne.

Just landed via Discord:

Whoever named frogs got it 100% right. Those things are frogs.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Once you realize I’m an idiot, my posts start to make a lot more sense.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Every time we try to eat healthy, along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday, and ruins it for us.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

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