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I love it when my dog suddenly gets up and goes to another part of the house. Did you just remember you left the stove on or something?

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Double chins are better than double faces.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

I’m tired and drank a lot of coffee, so now I’m tired but faster.

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Being too stressed isn’t good for the baby. I’m not pregnant though, it’s just that I’m the baby.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Watching Jaws with my kid because I’m sick of going to the beach.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I also want them to get lice.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

It’s not that I want more shoes, it’s just that they keep making them in my size.

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Stop blaming yourself for your failures. Learn astrology and blame the planets.

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I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected.

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Relationship status: my sex robot filed a restraining order.