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Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old question: Cake or Not Cake? 🎂🔪 Either way, it seems my client was driven by a dessert dilemma rather than a criminal intent, Your Honor! 😅 #CakeOrStab"

cake, checking, client, court, defense, honor, humor, misunderstanding, stab, trial, trying, victim

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Mercury retrograde: because adulting is hard, and sometimes you just need a celestial excuse.

0

5 months ago

adulting, celestial, excuse, hard, humor, just, Mercury, Mercury retrograde, need, retrograde, sometimes
Some people call me crazy. I prefer the term happy with a twist.

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2 months ago

call, crazy, happy, humor, me, people, positivity, self-perception, twist
Dollar Tree needs to just go ahead and rename it to A Couple Dollars.

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5 months ago

ahead, bargain, couple, discount, dollar, Dollar Tree, dollars, humor, joke, just, money, name, needs, price, retail, shopping, store, store name, tree
By day I am just a regular loser, by night I am the same loser only it’s nighttime.

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2 months ago

am, day, humor, i, just, loser, night, nighttime, regular, same, self-deprecation
I believe the IRS is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, away, believe, comedy, days, government, having, humor, i, IRS, joke, nuclear, nuclear weapon, satire, weapon
Squirrels get most of their energy from chewing on powerlines, that acorn thing is just for show.

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2 months ago

acorn, chewing, energy, humor, just, misconception, nature, powerline, show, squirrel, squirrels, thing

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If the office is always a little cold, you might be working for the lizard people.

12 shares on Pinterest this month:

Men don’t chew on toothpicks all day anymore.

36 shares on Facebook this month:

One of my biggest faults is that when I ask someone their name, I forget to listen to what their name is.

66 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s so crazy how people are never down to just go get a burger. It didn’t used to be like this.

43 shares on Slack this month:

Single in the womb, single till the tomb!

78 shares on Instagram this month:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

21 shares on Twitch this month:

Watching someone else control the computer and doing it differently than you would, is one of life’s greatest challenges.

93 shares on Snapchat this month:

My back hurts too much to lean over anymore, going to have to resort to picking things up with a deep curtsy.

67 shares on Discord this month:

My signature move is me looking for my phone that I’m currently holding in my hand.

68 shares on Facebook this month:

Experts say you can make any statement sound more credible by adding ‘experts say’ at the beginning.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Help, I accidentally used dark humor with normal people, and now they’re concerned for my mental health.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

I am grateful for my experiences. I just didn’t need them all.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Oh, to be a rich, beautiful woman in her big car, driving to buy overpriced groceries to stock up her breathtaking kitchen in her gorgeous house.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

I’m still trying to dig myself out my ringtone debt from the late 90’s.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

I hate when someone you love says mean things like, “It’s time to wake up.”

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

I’m not like other teenagers, I’m 51.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Since it’s impossible to know which period of my life is the middle, I’ve decided to have an ongoing crisis.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

I’ve folded seven page corners of the book I’m reading. That’s 49 in dog ears.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

I don’t need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry!

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Women pretending not to see men staring at them is an essential survival skill.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

Nothing more humiliating than sending a text message with a picture and the picture doesn’t send for ages and now you’ve said something sooo odd out of context.

Shared recently on TikTok:

If a tree falls on your ex in the woods and no one’s around to hear it, you should probably still get rid of the chainsaw.

Going viral on Slack:

Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

Breaking via Facebook:

The streets are not for me. I belong in an enchanted forest, eating berries, and talking to my animal friends.

Spotted on YouTube:

Biggest flex is when your friend’s mom uses you as a good example.

Trending via Twitch:

Welcome to the internet, where people are confidently wrong all the time.

Going viral on Discord:

Thank you, Facebook memories, for constantly reminding me of the shitty taste in men I had for the majority of my life.

Just shared via Slack:

Make it a habit to cry and act unhinged at meetings so you’re never invited back.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

A guy who never leaves his apartment so he can get the maximum value out of his rent.

Trending via Telegram:

If bugs could talk, they would probably say things like, “What the bug?”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Your honor, my client wasn’t trying to stab the victim. He was checking to see if he was cake.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Mercury retrograde: because adulting is hard, and sometimes you just need a celestial excuse.

Some people call me crazy. I prefer the term happy with a twist.

Dollar Tree needs to just go ahead and rename it to A Couple Dollars.

By day I am just a regular loser, by night I am the same loser only it’s nighttime.

I believe the IRS is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

Squirrels get most of their energy from chewing on powerlines, that acorn thing is just for show.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨