Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

A girl was coming over till she wasn’t—that’s what happened.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Forget mini pizzas. I want one so big it needs a forklift to rotate it.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer and come out wrinkle free?

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

I can now tell the hour of the day by which part of my body needs a heating pad.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

“Cut my life into pieces” screamed the earthworm and threw itself in front of my spade.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Of course, being a child is terrible. They don’t give you any money, and then make you watch commercials the whole time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

290 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,559

Funny Quotes Topics

17,612

Funny Quotes Images

15,559

Jan 11, 2026

3,651

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via LinkedIn:

Gonorrhea would’ve been a great name for diarrhea medicine.

Just landed via YouTube:

I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I hate Valentine’s Day but I do enjoy infant archery.

Breaking via Pinterest:

At this point, Tom Cruise is a stuntman who does his own acting.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I signed up to the gym a few months ago and still don’t see any results. I’ll go by there this weekend and ask what’s going on.

Trending via Twitch:

If we’ve got the technology to make heated car seats, then where the hell are the seats that automatically cool down in the summer? Make it happen, nerds.

Spotted on Reddit:

My nephew asks so many questions that Alexa just told him it’s okay to bathe with the toaster.

Live now on Twitch:

Flex on strangers by asking them if they remember you.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

“It’s not that deep.” Of course it’s not. With a shallow mind like yours, nothing ever is.

Just shared via Slack:

Going from “I can fix her” to “I don’t care if she lives or dies” in the same beer.

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

2 months ago

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, well, well, looks like the alarm clock might need some therapy for the trauma of facing that morning mess every day! 🕰️🤪 Maybe it's high time for a make-up-free morning routine to show it some mercy. 🤣 #AlarmClockStruggles #MorningStruggles

alarm, alarm clock, always, clock, complaints, face, humor, morning, perspective, put, relatable, thing, yourself

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My car is making strange noises but it’s just me singing.

2 months ago

activity, car, humor, just, making, me, noise, noises, singing, strange, strange noise
Have you ever pretended not to look at the biscuits or sweets being handed around the room, and acted surprised when you got offered one?

1 month ago

around, being, biscuits, eating, ever, food, got, handed, humor, pretend, room, situation, snack, social, social situation, surprise, sweet, sweets, temptation
Grocery shopping while hungry feels like online shopping while drunk.

2 months ago

drunk, drunk shopping, experience, grocery, grocery shopping, humor, hunger, hungry, online, online shopping, relatable, relatable humor, shopping, shopping experience
Every time I ask my husband to bring me something out of my purse, without a doubt, he’ll bring me my whole purse. Why are purses so scary to men, lol.

5 months ago

accessory, ask, bring, doubt, every, hell, humor, husband, i, lol, man, me, men, misunderstanding, purse, relationship, scary, something, time, whole, why, women
Some days you have breakfast for dinner and live life on your own terms.

4 weeks ago

breakfast, days, dinner, food, freedom, fun, humor, life, lifestyle, live, living, meal, own, terms
Today, I want to talk about underperforming continents. Antarctica, explain yourself.

2 months ago

Antarctica, continents, critique, explain, explanation, humor, i, talk, today, underperformance, want, yourself

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

96 shares on YouTube this month:

When it gets past my bedtime, I get so scared.

46 shares on Facebook this month:

God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

55 shares on X this month:

So annoying that in order to meet new people you need to go out and meet new people. Ideally, I would have known you in a past life.

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Honestly, I can see why God flooded the Earth that one time.

61 shares on Reddit this month:

Hey Grok, scan through all my mutuals and find me a girlfriend, thanks!

55 shares on Twitch this month:

Laying in a hammock is essentially saying, “I hope there are no emergencies.”

82 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s a good thing when your therapist sits down with a bucket of popcorn, right?

19 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m like a semicolon, most people don’t know what to do with me.

93 shares on Threads this month:

I invoiced my boss two extra hours for the dream I had about work last night. I’m considering that overtime.

84 shares on TikTok this month:

Shit posting is cheaper than therapy.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Hotel towels are always the worst. So thick and fluffy that I can’t even close my suitcase.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Like me, the weather is getting cooler around here.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Spell your crush’s name backwards, mine is yenom.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The final stage of being single is when you listen to a love song and no one comes to mind; at that point, you’ve achieved absolute singularity.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

It was so windy today when I was walking to the gym that I got blown into the wine store.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not exaggerating when I say, if I ever clogged a toilet at work, I would immediately quit, change my name, and then move to a different city.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Autocorrect has become our worst enema.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

They always say, there is someone for everyone… unfortunately, the person for me is a therapist.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

290 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,559

Funny Quotes Topics

17,612

Funny Quotes Images

15,559

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,704

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

No one is more hated than those two people who start a standing ovation.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

A thing I never realized about being an adult is that you will always be cleaning your kitchen. No matter if you get takeout, no matter if you’re gone all day, you will be cleaning the kitchen.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

I’m changing the game. I’m starting to thank people from the top of my heart.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Which one of you shrunk all of my jeans?

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

WhatsApp shouldn’t just display “seen”, but also “lies” and “also writes with other girls”!

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but nothing worse than being called on the phone.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

I’m not into casual sex. Send me a résumé.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Shoutout to my kids because they aren’t listening!

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

They should make you watch a training video and pass a little test before you’re allowed to touch the office coffee maker.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

The whole “read before you go to bed to get sleepy” thing does not apply to me because I will be up till 5 a.m. if the book is worth it.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

There should be a three-day weekend: one day to do nothing, one day to do something, and one day to do laundry.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

All my passwords are protected, by my poor memory.

Just landed via Reddit:

Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

Making waves on Discord:

Nothing is worse than seeing a gorgeous girl that I’d never approach or stand a chance with and then finding out she has a boyfriend.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Don’t ever get excited if your kid likes a new food. They won’t like it tomorrow.

Just shared via Twitch:

Writing cover letters feels soooo “Ever since I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to be an administrative assistant when I grew up.”

Trending via TikTok:

You’re not depressed. You just need $250,000 in your bank account.

Shared recently on Messenger:

People are always saying “not today, Satan” but what if we just hear him out.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Sorry, I’m late. I was pumping up the jam.

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