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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Ώ has viewed:

I just heard someone refer to Texas as β€œHowdy Arabia” and I still haven’t stopped laughing.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡© has viewed:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡― has shared:

In the morning: Tired! At lunchtime: Tired! In the evening: Tired! In bed: “Everybody dance now!”

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Έ has shared:

If you stand too close to me in the check out line, you may as well pay for my stuff while you’re breathing down my neck.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡ͺ has downloaded:

New email opener just dropped: “I am interested in bothering you!”

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡© has copied:

I’ve cut my fingernails too short and now I can’t open my shower gel. What’s the point of being well-groomed if I can’t smell like mangos?

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡§ has shared:

Men love to show you a YouTube video. It is a sign of deep respect in their culture.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¦ has shared:

Is my life this bad because I didn’t forward that email to 15 people back in 2007?

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡² has copied:

I listen to a lot of white noise, so I get really excited when it rains or someone turns on a fan. It’s like seeing my favorite band live.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Ύ has downloaded:

I can’t believe bedtime used to be a punishment.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,603

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Going bananas on Snapchat:

No, you don’t understand. This is my special mistake. I keep making it because it is very dear to me, like an old friend.

Breaking via TikTok:

Don’t even bother contacting me on the Ouija Board after I die. I barely answer my texts now.

Live now on Reddit:

Naps hit different when you’re using them to avoid being alive.

Just shared via Threads:

What’s your favorite song about a white boy playing funky music?

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I love the smell of freshly brewed delusions in the morning.

Just shared via Threads:

Okay, seen enough, someone put a blanket over my cage.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I keep pressing the space bar, but I’m still on Earth.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Accept the truth that a clean kitchen and finished laundry are just myths. Embrace the chaos and find your inner calm.

Just shared via Instagram:

I wish men had sluttier outfit options. Because why am I in a mini skirt, and you’re in a quarter zip?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Really hate when I’m watching a movie, and I can see that they are acting.

“You’re overthinking this!” Bro, I have anxiety. I have no other type of thinking available.

Funny quote about overthinking and anxiety with witty humor and playful tone.
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Commentary:
Sounds like my brain is stuck on the "overthinking" setting πŸ˜‚πŸ€”πŸ’‘

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Keep the laugh going πŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

96 shares on WhatsApp this month:

UK rappers be like β€œI’ve got a posh flat and my bird is very comely, I own more motors than the marchioness of cholmondeley”

24 shares on Pinterest this month:

I was having a great Friday until I found out it was Thursday.

58 shares on Instagram this month:

I look stable, but I talk to animals, and wait for them to reply.

25 shares on TikTok this month:

Ragebaiting each other is flirting, btw.

48 shares on Telegram this month:

Any time I throw up, I stare at it like I’m getting a message from the past.

84 shares on YouTube this month:

If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I have read the room and decided to be illiterate.

93 shares on Pinterest this month:

When I finally snap it’ll be because I had to type my email address in on the TV.

58 shares on Slack this month:

And are the people who find you “hilarious” in the room with us now?

29 shares on Instagram this month:

I wish my wife’s sighs came with subtitles.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My husband doesn’t find it nearly as amusing as I do when I sing, “Someday My Prince Will Come,” while I’m cleaning.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If Facebook has taught us anything it’s that a lot of people aren’t quite ready for a spelling bee.

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m saving myself for my vibrator.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Meow means woof in cat.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I can’t take people who pronounce “gnocchi” correctly seriously.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I will never trust a cake transport box enough to just hold it by the handle.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Nosferatu 2024, Frankenstein 2025, and Werwulf 2026. I was born at exactly the right time.

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Wife bought something on FB Marketplace, but she’s afraid she’ll get kidnapped, so she sends me to pick it up from a guy whose wife sent him because she’s afraid to get kidnapped.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,536

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡§ has bookmarked:

Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡³ has copied:

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up, we had to manually roll up our car windows.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ has downloaded:

No matter how much Polynesian food you eat, you always want Samoa.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡¬ has shared:

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡« has bookmarked:

I’m now at the age where happy hour is a nap.

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡² has shared:

The T in depression stands for the therapy places that are immediately available.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡¦ has copied:

People that tell us what sex gods they are, what do you want us to do with that information?

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡± has viewed:

It’s unfortunate that scrubbing the floors on your hands and knees is so much more effective than mopping.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡· has bookmarked:

Where does everyone go to get kisses? I haven’t figured this out yet.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ͺ has downloaded:

Christmas is the season of giving, and I’m giving up for good.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Spotted on WeChat:

β€œDon’t take this the wrong way!” Translation: Prepare for insult.

Just shared via Discord:

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

Spotted on Snapchat:

β€œThis too shall pass!” Okay, but like, when exactly?

Trending via Facebook:

I just want what every middle-aged person wants: to remember what it was that I wanted.

Just landed via Instagram:

To me, essential oils are what drips out of tacos.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

have one of those big paintings with the eyeholes cut out, but I don’t have anyone to spy on, so I just watch TV through it.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

My wife refuses to hire a housekeeper because she doesn’t want them to see this mess.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Money saved by using public transport instead of an Uber is paid for with your time and mental health instead.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Maybe if I spend another day alone in my room then something life-changing will suddenly happen to me!?

Spotted on X:

I used to be a person who couldn’t easily fall asleep, then I got divorced and now I sleep like a baby. Probably unrelated.

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