Commentary:
No time for reality—I'm fully booked with unicorn rides and spontaneous dance-offs! 🦄💃✨
Funny available quotes
This Dollar Tree energy drink has me seeing colors that aren’t available to the naked eye, yet.
Commentary:
When your energy drink unlocks DLC colors for your vision! 🥤🌈👀
There’s an unwritten rule: if you need something and it’s available at your mom’s house, it’s yours.
Commentary:
Mom's house: the original Amazon Prime, but with more cookies! 🍪📦😄
I don’t even want a new year this year. I’ll take a lightly used 2006, if it’s available.
Commentary:
When you realize 2006 had it all: low gas prices, flip phones, and no social media chaos. Can we time travel yet? 😂📞⏳
“You’re overthinking this!” Bro, I have anxiety. I have no other type of thinking available.
Commentary:
Sounds like my brain is stuck on the "overthinking" setting 😂🤔💡
The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.
Commentary:
When you hit 50, your bladder gets a promotion: Director of Urgency! 🚽😂
My new coffee table book, “Accidental Screenshots,” is available for pre-order now.
Commentary:
Can't wait to see all the blurry cat paws and unintentional selfies! 📸🐱✋😆
I love replying to people within seconds. Hello. I am here. Always.
Commentary:
"When you reply so fast, even your Wi-Fi gets jealous! 📶😂"
It’s always “your monthly bill is available,” never “this month is on us.”
Commentary:
Guess my bank prefers laughter over generosity 🤣💸 Wouldn't mind a surprise "on the house" alert!