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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

*Pointing at a mothers shrieking baby* Is this guy bothering you?

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Only bots from Nigeria are allowed to call me dear.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Twitter is for people who tried suffering in silence and realized it wasn’t for them.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

“Likes your story” is a declaration of love.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Well, I’ve been depressed and poor, but sure, we’ll call it intermittent fasting.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

I miss the way I viewed the world before I found out too much about it.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Who is this Rorschach guy and where did he get all the pictures of my parents fighting?

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

“You’re under the weather?” We all are, idiot. It’s in the sky.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

I will never understand people’s fascination with their ancestry, isn’t knowing your current family bad enough.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

I am woman, hear me roar but also meow because I am sensitive.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Jan 6, 2026

3,277

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

Adulthood is wild. One day I’m transferring money to my savings account, and three days later, I’m transferring it out to save myself.

Trending via Threads:

Due to not wanting to, I will not be.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

This whole week could have been an email.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

It’s not a Sunday unless you completely waste it and then feel sad around 8 p.m.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.

Freshly posted on X:

How many filters does it take before it’s technically a painting?

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

People singing Happy Birthday to you feels like a real-life unskippable ad.

Just shared via YouTube:

Are you just gonna go with the flow until you spiral down the drain?

Spotted on Twitch:

I wanna date someone cuter than me, but sadly I am the cutest.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I took the road less traveled because I was hoping not to run into anyone I know along the way.

Zombies started running in movies and life has been chaotic since.

2 months ago

0

Zombies started running in movies and life has been chaotic since.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who knew that when zombies started running, we'd all be in a full-on sprint to keep up with them? 🧟‍♂️💨 Life's marathon just got a whole lot scarier and faster! Time to lace up those sneakers and start training for the undead race of a lifetime! 🏃‍♂️💀 #ZombieSprint"

chaos, comedy, humor, life, movy, running, zombie

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Why does everyone always think that I know what I’m doing? Most of the time I watch myself in amazement and am curious to see what happens.

0

2 months ago

always, am, amazement, curiosity, doing, everyone, humor, i, introspection, know, life, life observations, myself, observations, self-awareness, self-reflection, think, time, uncertainty, watch
There’s nothing like the excitement of a brand-new book to add to the massive pile of books I still haven’t read.

0

2 months ago

add, book, book lover, book pile, books, excitement, humor, humor about reading, i, lover, nothing, pile, procrastination, read, reading, still
At the plastic surgeon: Please, Doc, help me. My Barbie doll has appendicitis.

0

2 months ago

appendicitis, Barbie, Barbie doll, Doc, doll, help, humor, joke, me, medical, medical humor, plastic, plastic surgeon, plastic surgery, please, surgeon, surgery, toy
Most of my shoulder workout comes from shrugging when people ask me questions.

0

2 months ago

ask, exercise, fitness, humor, me, most, people, question, questions, sarcasm, shoulder, shoulder workout, shrug, workout
Today marks a five year anniversary of how I’ll start going to the gym tomorrow.

0

2 months ago

anniversary, commitment, fitness, five, going, gym, humor, procrastination, start, today, tomorrow, year
Spent the day decorating the house for Christmas and my wife spent the day re-decorating the house for Christmas.

0

2 months ago

activity, Christmas, couple, day, decorating, fun, fun activity, holiday, house, humor, re-decorating, spent, wife

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on WeChat this month:

I did a little research on why weekends are only two days long and it turns out people made that up. WTF, people?

55 shares on Instagram this month:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.

21 shares on Threads this month:

My least controversial opinion is that IKEA should have a bar. I think we were meant to consume three beers and then purchase a Gjörfbunkle.

83 shares on YouTube this month:

The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

22 shares on WhatsApp this month:

That moment you turn down the music while driving around looking for a street address, so you can see better.

26 shares on X this month:

Got banned from the sauna at my gym for saying “steam me up, Scotty” a few too many times.

57 shares on Reddit this month:

Opinions are like air fryers. Everyone’s got one and they won’t stop banging on about them.

65 shares on Reddit this month:

Life is just resetting your password until you die.

45 shares on Threads this month:

The miracle of DoorDash is that I just pick up my phone, punch a few things into it, and within half an hour I have, at my door, a $52 salad.

25 shares on Facebook this month:

“Do something with your life.” Um, I am. Have you heard of a little thing called squandering?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s amazing how cats can ignore you with both ears.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Another day waiting, and wishing, and wanting.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Oh really? We’ll see what the same six people who always agree with me think about that.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a crush on someone is just having a lack of information on someone.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is fun because you can post a pic of pizza and people will get mad at you.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate it when you ask what you thought was a simple question in a meeting at work, and it turns into another meeting.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss having that butterfly feeling. People give me roach vibes at this point.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

US etiquette question: Do you need to tip the guy at the border who reads your last five years of social media history?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’ve tasted going back to an ex, and I’ve tasted trying to fix a relationship before it breaks. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 10 p.m.”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Santa Claus isn’t real. Ain’t no man checking a list twice.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,325

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

In case you wanna quit vaping, I’d suggest using a harmonica.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Clubbing is a phase that you must go through and get over.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Any time I throw up, I stare at it like I’m getting a message from the past.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Peeling a sweaty sports bra off counts as aerobic exercise, right?

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

If Facebook has taught us anything it’s that a lot of people aren’t quite ready for a spelling bee.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

I don’t believe the phrase “if they wanted to, they would,” because I want to, and I don’t.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

My favorite pastime is looking for meaning where there is none.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

Hey, can I get an ETA on that “this too shall pass”?

Seen just now on Slack:

Every time I see a couple riding a tandem bike, I try to figure out which one of them is pissed about it.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Just let your girlfriend be crazy, like who cares, bro.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Much like a candle, I was tall when I was young, but I get shorter as I grow old.

Just shared via Twitch:

What archaeologists are really looking for is a hand digging back.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I remember when “disinformation” used to be called “lies.”

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I’m the type of husband that helps his wife look for her missing chocolate that I ate.

Live now on Pinterest:

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” Yeah, well, I just analyzed it from a Marxist perspective, and it was pretty obvious.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I got confused by all the yard signs, and I think I may have voted for a realtor.

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