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You are my favorite dirty thought.

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I’m okay with being single. But at night, while I’m drunk, that’s too much.

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Hello bedtime my old friend, my brain is laughing once again.

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Apparently, everyone on the Zoom calls outside my office finds my singing distracting.

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When I look at the world, I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

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I’m going to need to rewatch Idiocracy to see what happens next.

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I love you to the refrigerator and back.

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Foo fighters still fighting foo.

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You want to go out in the sun and then you can’t get the couch through the door.

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More dangerous than a lion that roars is a woman gone silent.

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You can use an egg timer to tell you when your egg is cooked perfectly. For brown rice you can use a calendar.

You can use an egg timer to tell you when your egg is cooked perfectly. For brown rice you can use a calendar.

Commentary:
"Who knew cooking brown rice required a schedule ๐Ÿ“† while eggs just need a quick timer โฒ๏ธ? Brown rice be like 'Hold on, let me check my calendar before I get all chewy and clumpy!' ๐Ÿš๐Ÿคฃ #KitchenConundrums"



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