Aliens: We are here to take over. Me: Thank God.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Back then, my parents were afraid of what I would do on the Internet. Today, I’m afraid of what my parents do on the Internet.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

When the executioner asks me what my final words are, I’m just going to start filibustering.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Your honor, my client doesn’t like jail.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

I had a heated but interesting discussion today and they even agreed with me at the end. That’s exactly why I love talking to myself.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

I wouldn’t describe myself as an “adult”, per se. More like a “long child”.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

When I said you had a “serial killer face” I had meant it as a compliment. Like, you look like you are very ambitious is what I meant.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand you’ve got hidden up your sleeve.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Work for a living? In this economy?