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Avoid calls from pesky bill collectors by not paying your phone bill.

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I put my pants on just like everybody else: when the police tell me to.

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Vote for me and I’ll remove all the calories from cheese.

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Ancient Egyptians used to worship cats and write on walls, a practice we still continue to do today on the Internet.

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Unlike the stomach, the brain doesn’t alert you when it’s empty.

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I’m not calling anyone daddy unless I’m asking for money for the mall.

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You look like you take lavender bubble baths with rose petals, surrounded by candles, bro.

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I have a condition that prevents me from dieting. It’s called being hungry.

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Before I work on myself, does anyone like me unhinged?

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The main problem is that far too many people have far too easy access to podcast equipment.