Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.
  • Damn, didn’t win the lottery. It’s messing up my budget plan.
  • Sorry I’m late, there was bubble wrap.
  • Women are like apples; I like biting them.
  • There are only two portion sizes for mashed potatoes: nowhere near enough (posh restaurants) or far, far too much (literally everyone else).
  • I’m already far too stressed as it is. And then you also have to have time to just sit there and do nothing.