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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

A dating app for people who are shy called Mumble.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

If life could stop teaching me lessons, that would be great.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

I love when someone is telling a story and you can tell even from their version that they’re the villain.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

If your boyfriend insists he rolls everywhere because it’s ‘faster than walking’, you may be dating a gamer.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

My wife trusts me with a joint bank account but when I’m loading the dishwasher she always walks in the kitchen “to get something.”

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Everyone’s an empath until I need to borrow some cash.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

I don’t have gray hair, I have wisdom highlights.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Hell hath no fury like a sports bra being applied to a just showered but not 100% dry body.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

I wish anxiety came with french fries.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my kid noticing her sibling got a bigger slice of cake.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

768 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,930

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,930

24 minutes ago

3,431

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

Twitter is basically everyone’s therapist’s couch.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Getting a key tattoo, but getting it covered up with a doormat tattoo, so no one ever finds it.

Reported on X:

No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.

Just shared via TikTok:

There is certainly no life on other planets. Otherwise our government would have sent money there long ago.

Spreading quickly via X:

When buying presents I like to think, what would Jesus have got you? So yeah, enjoy your fish sandwich.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Only difference between me and someone in a psych ward is I’m outside.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Napping is the best activity for weight loss, because I can’t eat anything when I’m asleep!

Just landed via Pinterest:

Did you ever stop to ask how Mercury feels about being in retrograde? No, because you only think about yourself.

Going viral on Threads:

“You look happy.” Thanks, I stopped dating.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I told my GPS I needed direction in life, and now it insists on recalculating every hour.

Breaking: man who liked me first no longer likes me.

5 months ago

Breaking: man who liked me first no longer likes me.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
📰 Breaking news alert! 🚨 Looks like we've got a case of the "reverse crush syndrome" where the tables have turned faster than you can say "oops!" 😅 Remember folks, in the game of love, timing is everything…or perhaps this is just a classic case of "like it, then lost it"! 😄💔

breaking, dating, feelings, humor, irony, likes, longer, man, me, news, rejection, relationship

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

768 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,930

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,930

24 minutes ago

3,436

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Dog barking like an angry baby, baby crying like an angry dog.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

If you collect the crumbs from one Nature Valley granola bar, you can make three more granola bars.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Everytime I spend $20 I think this is fine because I won’t do it again. And then would you believe.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

Boy, are you a piñata? Because I have an overwhelming urge to beat you with a stick.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Fall in love? I can barely fall asleep.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

If you voted for someone because “he’s not a politician”, then I hope your next colonoscopy is done by a plumber.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

I need a break from me.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

If we start dating now, we could be arguing on a road trip by August.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

For the record, I use a turntable.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

A tip for your next salary negotiation: simply tell your boss “either I get a pay rise or I go out and tell everyone I got one!”

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I need a browser plugin that disables Amazon when I’m drinking. Hashtag: don’t drink and Prime.

Making waves on WeChat:

I hate when kids scream in public. You don’t have real problems. It should be me screaming.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I really want an emotional support octopus so I can train it to slap people and shoplift.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I do not read.

Reported on LinkedIn:

These quiet electric cars are really annoying. I have to stop scrolling and look up while walking outside now.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

A garlic a day keeps people away.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I had an irrational fear of bees until I saw My Girl and it became rational.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Straighten your back and drink some water, you dehydrated banana.

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