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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

I don’t even check my bank account no more. I just swipe my card and if it’s god’s will, money will be debited.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

I smoke weed for my mental health and your personal safety.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Sorry, I wasn’t really listening but that’s awesome, unless it isn’t of course.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Currently helping my kids find the chocolate that I ate last night.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

The sexual tension when everyone arrives at a 4-way stop at the same time.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

I can now tell the hour of the day by which part of my body needs a heating pad.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Who else here can say that they have NEVER watched any of the Kardashian shows?

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Imagine if every time you stepped into an elevator, it played the “Mission Impossible” theme.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Girls be like “forget it, I’m fine” then set your house on fire.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

768 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,930

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,930

Updated

20 minutes ago

Users Online

3,442

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Everyone’s a badass until the doorbell rings.

Making waves on X:

Applying lip balm when you know someone’s watching you is a power move.

Just shared via Slack:

My rapper name would be 2 stressd.

Making waves on YouTube:

Every day, I go to work and draw a little tick on everyone who didn’t say goodbye to me the day before.

Just shared via Reddit:

My phone is like my lover, it’s the last thing I see at night, and the first thing I wake up to every morning.

Making waves on Threads:

For a guy with no reflection, Dracula’s eyeliner is always flawless.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Turning to the person next to me and saying “thanks for nothing” as I get off the train.

Seen just now on Facebook:

No longer chasing dreams. If they want me, they know where I nap.

Trending via Slack:

This book ain’t got no pictures.

Adulthood is just always being tired and wondering how you hurt your back.

Adulthood is just always being tired and wondering how you hurt your back.
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Commentary:
Is there a map for adulting? Because I'm lost somewhere between "always sleepy" and "ouch, my back!" 😴🗺️🙆‍♂️

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

768 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,930

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,930

Updated

20 minutes ago

Users Online

3,424

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Every time you break spaghetti noodles in half, an Italian has a stroke.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

It’s not even a crush. it’s just unsupervised hope.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

People keep wishing January was over like the worst month of the year isn’t coming up next. Thats like wishing someone would stop arguing with you and just punch you in the face.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

This flight is so long, I don’t know where I’m going anymore. I just live here now. Even the crying baby gave up.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Strangers vomiting their beliefs all over you every day is not good for the soul.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

That song stuck in my head is “Don’t Speak”; I have no doubt in my mind.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Sorry, I’m late. My alarm didn’t go off because I didn’t set it, because I don’t want to be here.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re searching “Thanksgiving recipes that won’t cause heartburn.”

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

I wanna date someone cuter than me, but sadly I am the cutest.

Just landed via Telegram:

Every time I watch “The Godfather”, I notice some new detail (they’re Italian???).

Shared recently on Reddit:

I don’t know who needs to hear this but you’re not dying, it’s just Monday.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Welcome to your 50s… you can now fall asleep sitting up on the couch at any given moment.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Wait, making the right choices is an option?!

Just shared via Twitch:

College is not even mentioned once in the Bible. Somebody get me outta here.

Live now on WeChat:

I woke up this morning and my hair looked like a Beatles lyric. Here, there, and everywhere.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I need a massage for my brain.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Daniel Craig leaving Bond to become Benoit Blanc is one of the best things to ever happen.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Technology has gone too far, man. My roommate is logged out of his lightbulbs because he forgot his password.

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