The show “How I Met Your Mother” was just a really long TED talk.

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Sorry for bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to bash my head into the walls anymore.

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“I’m gonna sneak past you.” No you’re not. You’ve alerted me.

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Every time I wanna quit, I remember horses don’t stop.

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If it’s a ghost ship, why does it have to be on water?

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The Playstation is broken and the child has noticed that I live here too.

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They should invent a rest for the wicked.

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Sitting next to you on an empty train and clicking my stopwatch every time you turn a page in your book.

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Imagine hating me and I don’t notice.

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How many cups of coffee is OK to have every day? Is it eight? I’m pretty sure it’s eight.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I hate the sounds you make when you chew.