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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has bookmarked:

I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on TV.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has bookmarked:

I donโ€™t mind pulling your cart โ€” Iโ€™ve been chasing the carrot anyway, and itโ€™s in the same direction.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡ท has downloaded:

Sorry Iโ€™m late. The door said PULL, but I donโ€™t believe everything I read.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฏ๐Ÿ‡ต has shared:

A swear jar for Twitter would end world hunger.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ช has downloaded:

Does bisexual mean twice as sexual or once every other sexual?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ผ has viewed:

Rock bottom should give me free sandwich and coffee for how often I hit it.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has shared:

No, I love darkness at 5pm and the death of a nation.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ธ has copied:

You need a twins name suggestion? How about Kate and DupliKate?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has copied:

I canโ€™t believe someone ran over my neighbors loud motorcycle tomorrow morning.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ท has viewed:

I set up my Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasnโ€™t arrived yet, Mary, Joseph and all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

2326 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,488

Funny Quotes Topics

15,192

Funny Quotes Images

12,488

Updated

42 minutes ago

Users Online

3,449

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Some call it flirtingโ€ฆ I call it just being extra nice to someone who is extra attractiveโ€ฆ

Trending via Instagram:

I’ll let you guys know if the psych ward has wifi.

Spotted on Discord:

The winter months remind me that it is crucial to find someone that youโ€™re thermostatically compatible with.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I need a browser plugin that disables Amazon when I’m drinking. Hashtag: donโ€™t drink and Prime.

Going viral on Messenger:

I always say “morning” instead of “good morning”, because if it was a good morning, I’d still be asleep.

Reported on Slack:

Kids these days don’t know the shame of having to explain yo-yo injuries.

Breaking via Reddit:

The worst part about borrowing money is having to pay it back or move to a new city.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The cashier said, “Have a good day,” but she doesnโ€™t mean it.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I make her eyes roll back. Not in bed though. I’m just annoying.

Breaking via Slack:

I need to go to jail for a while to catch up on all my reading.

What are some beginner bad habits for someone just getting into ruining their life?

What are some beginner bad habits for someone just getting into ruining their life?
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Commentary:
Starting your mornings with a triple espresso and existential dread! โ˜•๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ“‰

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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

2326 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,488

Funny Quotes Topics

15,192

Funny Quotes Images

12,488

Updated

42 minutes ago

Users Online

3,432

Funny Quotes of the Month ๐Ÿš€

Funny Quotes of the Year โญ

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฒ has shared:

I donโ€™t always leave the house, but when I do, I shouldnโ€™t.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡น has bookmarked:

Itโ€™s so peaceful when you have no interest in other peopleโ€™s business.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฒ has viewed:

If only my teeth were as white as my legs.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡บ has shared:

Men invented arm wrestling so they could hold hands and look into each other’s eyes.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡น has viewed:

The older I get, the less surprised I’d be if a random body part just fell off one day.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has viewed:

I lied, thereโ€™s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ท has copied:

My greatest joy in life is when a friend reads a book I recommend. My greatest frustration in life is when they donโ€™t read it fast enough.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ช has copied:

Watermelon. The fruit that comes with a workout.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฟ has downloaded:

If I were a category, I’d be “miscellaneous.”

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has copied:

If God had known what mankind would turn into, he would have sterilized Adam.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Spotted on Slack:

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

Just landed via Slack:

There are more bots on here than in Star Wars.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Letโ€™s all stand up against iron deficiency (but not too fast).

Just shared via X:

Even on the coldest of days, thereโ€™s such peace found in the warm embrace of a hot pizza.

Reported on LinkedIn:

My child had pancakes and syrup for breakfast so I guess Iโ€™ll be sticking to my furniture for the next week.

Going viral on Telegram:

Christmas is the season of giving, and I’m giving up for good.

Just shared via WeChat:

Texting a man first feels like Iโ€™m on my hands and knees begging him to talk to me.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I never sit around waiting for anyone except for the pizza delivery guy.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Remember: no matter what anyone else thinks of you, itโ€™s how you delude yourself that matters.

Live now on Pinterest:

I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

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