Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

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That’s me in the corner eating Nutella with a spoon.

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Someone has left me a voicemail. I don’t know what to do. Open the phone app? The contacts? Do I turn on the TV?

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Gay? We don’t use that word anymore. Person of rainbow.

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The Jaws theme stays on during sex.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

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Going through life with a signature I invented as a teenager.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Much of my algorithm is based on when I paused while scrolling to grab a snack.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

If elves make shoes, cookies, and toys, why don’t we put them in charge of more stuff?

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

King Kong should’ve been able to find a better place to hide than the top of the tallest building in the middle of New York City.

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If my toddler doesn’t sleep again tonight, I’m running away into the forest.