A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Divorcing my wife to focus on my porn addiction.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

If life could stop teaching me lessons, that would be great.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

The echo in my house when it’s clean is unsettling. Better order more stuff.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

I’m officially at the age where going out on the weekend just means I’m running errands.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

Hello, I’m looking for the people who said “I’ll always be there for you”. Has anyone seen them?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

I tell my kids winning isn’t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

If you think about it, Santa really has the best job, he works one day a year and spends the rest of his time judging people.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

How do I become a billionaire by 9 a.m. Monday? Please, it’s urgent.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Deleting tweets like a writer who burns his manuscripts.