Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

One week of daily crunches and I have abs…urdly underestimated how long it will take to see results.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

For once, I would just like to underthink a situation. How do you guys do that?

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

If a woman says she’ll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Roses are pink. I need a drink.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

“Autism didn’t exist until recently!” Have you met old guys who work in hardware stores?

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Hey, I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die. Would you like to build a life together?

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

By the time I meet the right person, I’ll probably be the wrong person.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

I don’t know what millennial needs to hear this, but throw away the box your phone came in. You don’t need it. You will never need it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,555

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

This is the fastest December in the history of all December.

Live now on YouTube:

Shaved my bush and went down a pants size.

Going viral on Telegram:

Things I hate about group work: The group.

Trending via Threads:

Twitter is the only place you argue with CEOs and heads of states while sleeping in the kitchen.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Maybe I prefer my ducks scattered about.

Breaking via TikTok:

Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.

Just landed via Twitch:

When I’m in a good mood, I go to my blocked list and release one or two prisoners.

Shared recently on WeChat:

The little umbrella is so unnecessary. Like, my drink is already wet, bro.

Going bananas on WeChat:

“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Trending via Messenger:

I’m a freak in the spreadsheets.

Adults should not be twins. Being twins is for children.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs twin telepathy when you have bills to pay and work deadlines to meet? 🙅‍♂️👯‍♂️ #AdultingStruggles"

adult, adults, being, children, funny statement, humor, should, statement, twin, twins

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

0

2 months ago

again, body, cremated, cremation, dark, dark humor, death, humor, i, joke, sarcasm, smoking-hot, want, witty
It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

0

2 months ago

actually, aging, aging humor, aging joke, anything, apathy, care, cynicism, energy, figure, humor, joke, just, life, life perspective, older, perspective, wisdom
Trying to eat with my left hand because I need a little excitement in my life.

0

2 months ago

challenge, daily, daily life, eat, eating, excitement, hand, humor, i, left, left hand, life, little, need, trying
Sorry you thought I I was flirting with you; I had something in my eye.

0

2 months ago

apology, awkwardness, distraction, eye, flirting, humor, i, joke, misunderstanding, playful, something, sorry, thought
If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

0

2 months ago

close, distance, forefinger, friendship, head, humor, i, keep, mime, preference, relationships, squishing, thumb
Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.

0

2 months ago

behavior, fall, friend, humor, irony, laugh, panic, phone, priorities, social, social behavior

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on Instagram this month:

If we breakup because you “wanna focus on school,” I better see you in Harvard.

79 shares on Discord this month:

People who can’t tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Babymaking music but it’s the Benny Hill theme song.

34 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Eating fast food shouldn’t count for calories because it’s not around long enough.

57 shares on WeChat this month:

She calls me Anthony Bourdain because I eat her parts unknown, no reservations.

65 shares on Slack this month:

“Be the bigger person” sounds too much like “accept the disrespect”.

54 shares on Reddit this month:

If she reads Bukowski, she’s not looking for love. She’s looking for someone who will ruin her creatively.

54 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

54 shares on Twitch this month:

Self-checkout is amazing for introverts until the machine breaks and two employees have to come fix it while you wait.

10 shares on Facebook this month:

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example: Jill ate her friend’s sandwich VS Jill ate her friend’s colon.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Don’t scare me, I fart easily.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Think I’ll get high enough to find out if there’s a God. Stay tuned.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

The modern condition is mostly trying to do things on your own that people have historically achieved with a large support network, and wondering why you’re tired all the time.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

I don’t trust anyone who gets enraged over messed-up fast food orders.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Another beautiful day, ruined by responsibility.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Sometimes I’m out in public and I have to look down real quick to make sure I remembered to put on pants.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

It’s called shitposting, Your Honor. You should try it sometimes; it’s liberating.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

Going to McDonald’s to get the Grinch meal, then going to Burger King to get the Spongebob meal. Then disappearing into the forest for twenty years.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

There are two types of people in politics. Avoid them.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Whoever first said, “It gets to a point,” was definitely at that point, and I feel them deeply.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

If you can stand me, you deserve me!

Shared recently on Facebook:

You can add “cha cha cha” to any sentence you want without explaining yourself. Nobody really appreciates this.

Going viral on Slack:

Sex before marriage is a sin unless you do it doggy style, because all dogs go to heaven. Follow me for more biblical loopholes.

Just landed via Facebook:

The weather forecast should include the percentage of answers blowing in the wind.

Seen just now on Slack:

When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

Going bananas on WeChat:

“You should exercise for at least 30 minutes every day”. Okay, and how much if you’re not trying to go to the Olympics?

Seen just now on Twitch:

Mondays have a black belt in psychological warfare.

Live now on TikTok:

Starting to think business is standing on me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Adults should not be twins. Being twins is for children.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

Trying to eat with my left hand because I need a little excitement in my life.

Sorry you thought I I was flirting with you; I had something in my eye.

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨