Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

What was the name of the boat in Titanic?

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

The fact that someone looked straight at a purple onion and named it red onion really bothers me.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

You can have glossy lips or you can have a cat. You can’t have both.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

The only thing I worry about when I’m in the restroom is if people are washing their hands or not.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Girls want a bad boy to fix. Boys want a good girl to corrupt. Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Love Island is fun, but when is Job Island on?

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Exercise won’t cure your depression, but it can make you hotter than your enemies.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Not trying to brag but I just beat the high score on this blood pressure machine.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

All dogs are therapy dogs. The majority are just freelancing.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Americans be like, “MM:DD:YY” is how you say dates verbally, and then have a national holiday called “4th of July.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,722

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

My body is like my phone battery. Usually drained by 4pm.

Trending via Discord:

If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Me, whenever I can easily do some yoga pose, “This can’t be right.”

Trending via YouTube:

Sorry if my posts have any typos, it’s because I’m driving.

Just landed via Slack:

My stress stresses me out to the point where I’m too stressed to deal with my stress.

Just landed via Slack:

Remember you are dust and, after you send this email, to dust you shall return.

Going bananas on Messenger:

It’s leg day. No, not at the gym, dummy. I’m shaving them.

Just shared via YouTube:

Pleasing everyone, that’s impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!

Live now on Discord:

Too poor for Ozempic but too undisciplined for strict diet and exercise. Is there a secret third option?

Making waves on Discord:

Reverse cowgirl is not a fair trade because, why do you get a view of my sexy back, and all I’m seeing are your toes throwing gang signs?

Ah, summer. When my non-consensual relationship with mosquitoes begins.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like the mosquitoes swiped right on me 😅🦟 #UnmatchedBuzzing

annoyance, bite, humor, insect, mosquito, relationship, season, summer

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

They should invent a Twitter where the timeline doesn’t refresh against your will.

0

4 days ago

app, experience, frustration, invent, invention, media, refresh, should, social, social media, technology, timeline, Twitter, user, user experience, where
Thought getting captured by cannibals would be terrifying, but they’re actually feeding me really well.

0

3 months ago

actually, cannibal, capture, feeding, food, getting, humor, irony, joke, me, survival, terrifying, thought, unexpected, well
Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.

0

4 months ago

bed, excuse, humor, i, late, lateness, minutes, procrastination, sat, sorry, staring, towel, wall
Crazy how every smart person recommends going for walks.

0

2 months ago

crazy, every, exercise, going, health, health tip, humor, person, recommendation, smart, smart person, tip, walk, walks
Bro to bro: Never get your haircut on the day of a special event.

0

2 months ago

advice, bro, day, event, friendship, grooming, haircut, humor, never, special, special event
Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.

0

2 months ago

before, being, communication, email, emails, exclamation, exclamation point, expectation, gender, humor, just, point, send, woman, writing

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on Twitch this month:

No time like now to start “flossing regularly” before tomorrow’s dental appointment.

40 shares on Reddit this month:

Relationships are only serious when photos are posted by a man.

23 shares on Instagram this month:

Hot singles over 40 in your area are curious what you use for joint pain and inflammation.

99 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s always “you’re so cute when you’re mad,” until the house is on fire.

22 shares on X this month:

This is an awful time to be an educated person.

78 shares on TikTok this month:

Broke my work phone. I can’t talk on it anymore. I should have done this a long time ago.

49 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I used to be cool, but now I just can’t wait to get on the couch by 7 p.m., in my pajamas, with a quilted blanket.

81 shares on Facebook this month:

I swear every time I look up from my phone, it’s a different holiday.

32 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t understand, “kill them with kindness”; can I use a lightsaber instead?

21 shares on Reddit this month:

So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

My life is constantly oscillating between “must save money” and “you only live once”.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

One thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m dumb.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Going from summer clothes to winter clothes: “Okay!” Going from winter clothes to summer clothes: “I AM NOT READY!”

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

At the age where a big break could mean either my career or a hip.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

I’d like to have a word with the groundhog before he starts working this year.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

I would rather lose you than the argument.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

It’s not my fault that when I said you looked “stunning” you assumed I meant in a positive way.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Sex is cool and all, but have you ever tried obsessing over a mediocre person who’s just not that into you.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

It’s freaking me out to think of how bad I’d look at the Met Gala.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

If I’d married a wealthier man, I’d be lying on a fancier couch right now refusing to clean bigger rooms.

Going viral on Telegram:

My friend’s kid asked me if I had any games on phone so I let her text my ex.

Making waves on Discord:

You need a twins name suggestion? How about Kate and DupliKate?

Breaking via Instagram:

I hate that I’m so indecisive. Actually, I don’t know if hate is the right word.

Spreading quickly via X:

I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at my knees and back.

Going viral on Twitch:

Today’s kids don’t even get chicken pox anymore, they go straight to STDs.

Making waves on Discord:

When I become president, any public holiday that falls on a Thursday automatically extends to Friday.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I just want to be treated like a hot little French fry.

Spotted on Reddit:

Twitter is basically introverts gone wild.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I don’t know much, but I know this: the older you get, the faster the number of things you’re willing to wait in line for approaches zero.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Ah, summer. When my non-consensual relationship with mosquitoes begins.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

They should invent a Twitter where the timeline doesn’t refresh against your will.

Thought getting captured by cannibals would be terrifying, but they’re actually feeding me really well.

Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.

Crazy how every smart person recommends going for walks.

Bro to bro: Never get your haircut on the day of a special event.

Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨