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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

Once I get my UFO, don’t be asking me for rides.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Messages are way funnier when you know how the person talks.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

As an exorcist, whenever I hear of some new poor soul possessed by a demon, all I can think is Ka-Ching!

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

I’m convinced that if Earth explodes, all the cats will land safely on the moon, on their feet.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

I’m not saying I’m messy, but if Copperfield knew what I can make disappear, he’d be jealous.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

One time, when I was a kid, I fell off my bike and hit my head so hard, I was briefly able to communicate with bees.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

I love being outside, just not when it’s too cold or too hot or too wet or too windy or if there are bugs.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

The thing I’ve always found tricky about money is knowing how much I should have.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

If you step on the back of my shoe and it comes off, I will do the same thing to your head.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Sometimes I use big words I don’t always fully understand, in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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764 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,926

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Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

The only time you should be faking it is when your pet checks to see if you’re awake.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.

Freshly posted on Slack:

When I get to work, I always hide first, because a good worker is always hard to find.

Just shared via Slack:

Starting all my work emails today with, “to whom it’s about to concern”.

Spreading quickly via X:

Salad was likely invented after someone picked everything they didn’t like out of their meal and put it on a separate plate.

Just landed via Twitch:

You’re the ‘S’ to my ‘HTTP’; without you, I’m just a bad connection!

Spotted on Snapchat:

Why are there people outside at the same time as me? It’s my turn.

Shared recently on YouTube:

A big F*** YOU to people driving small cars and pulling deep into parking spaces so I think I have a spot until the last second.

Spotted on TikTok:

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Get in loser, we’re going overthinking.

All the best memories with my dad start with “Don’t tell your mom about this.”

2 months ago

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"When dad becomes your partner-in-crime, you know it's gonna be legendary! 🤫😂 #ShhhMomIsWatching"

best, childhood, dad, family, fun, humor, memory, mischievous, mom, parenting, prank, secret, start, tell

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

No place in this world is as dark as my archived chats on WhatsApp.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

My husband needs a hearing aid, but refuses to get one because it’s the key to our happy marriage.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

4 out 3 people struggle with math.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Don’t throw hate at me, throw money!

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I had a good haircut.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Concert tickets should be 75% off if the artist is really super special to you.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Was complaining to my mom about my daughter’s attitude and she told me I should’ve named her payback.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Oh, how much I love a Sunday when you don’t have to work the next day.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Hate it when my alarm goes off in the morning, and I’m still alive.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

I hope this is the year my teen learns how to turn off a light when she leaves a room.

Shared recently on TikTok:

All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

If I sing “Hello” and you think of “Lionel Richie” and not “Adele,” then you can probably predict the weather with one of your knees.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Unlike men, women would immediately admit their mistakes if they had any.

Making waves on Messenger:

Ever read a post multiple times, still tilt your head and whisper, “What?!”

Going viral on Twitch:

If you’re out shopping today, be nice to retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited until Marys waters broke before you started your shopping.

Trending via Slack:

I’ll rewind a movie, get on my phone, and miss the same part.

Just landed via Messenger:

Fitbits are just Tamagotchis, except the stupid animal you’re trying to keep alive is you.

Just landed via X:

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

Shared recently on Slack:

Career? Never heard of her. I’m majoring in sunshine and snacks.

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All the best memories with my dad start with “Don’t tell your mom about this.”

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

Wearing white pants today, so it’s really just a matter of time before I spill something on myself.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Very confusing that gross pay is before tax. I always find the number way grosser after tax.

A piece of chocolate contains just enough energy to take another one.

If a woman says “Do what you want!”, then for God’s sake don’t do what you want!

I don’t understand people who don’t have kids. Imagine having absolutely nobody to blame when you’re late.

I am “I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve” old.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

If it’s a ghost ship, why does it have to be on water?

The great thing about having a mouse in your house is that I’m sure it’s just the one mouse, probably.

I’m proud of myself because, despite having so many expenses, I still manage to add more.

I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”

I’m busy watching the vegan couple next door arguing about the Big Mac wrapper I hid in their trash can.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

It probably feels so good to ram your head into something as a cat.

Dear brain, please stop thinking so much exactly when it’s time to fall asleep.

As someone who lives on earth, rising sea levels are alarming. But as someone who has always wanted to be a mermaid, I’m intrigued.

Looking forward to eight hours of trying to get four hours of sleep tonight.

People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.

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All the best memories with my dad start with “Don’t tell your mom about this.”

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