Almost fell asleep while putting on the sweater because it got dark for a moment. That’s all you need to know about my morning state.

27 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m thinking of maybe killing off a few characters in the book I’m writing. That will really spice up my autobiography.

14 shares on Snapchat this month:

One minute you’re young and fun and the next, you need a tow out of a beanbag chair.

60 shares on Reddit this month:

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And the haters? They were right. They were correct. They even nailed the small details, frankly it’s amazing.

33 shares on Instagram this month:

I hope the babies I was born with at the hospital are doing good.

52 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m at the age where unnecessary noise be pissing me off.

38 shares on Pinterest this month:

Three words no parent ever wants to hear when dropping their kid at a play date: “Come on in.”

64 shares on Discord this month:

I’m so thankful I live on the planet that has pizza.

34 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“Gravy is not a beverage.” Okay, well that’s why I was trying to drink it in the bathroom, so you wouldn’t see me.

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

One of the most amazing things in nature is that the basketball hoop is the perfect size to fit a basketball through.

70 shares on WeChat this month:

To think that billions in venture capital have been deployed because it was annoying to copy and paste from ChatGPT.