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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

There are too many movies about vampire hunters and not enough about vampire gatherers.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Trying to work outside on a laptop is like sunbathing on a melting ice cube.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

There are two types of people at work: Those who work and those who have become pros at looking busy.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

My husband refused to get glasses. But that was before he brushed his teeth with fake tan.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

How many of you also constantly take screenshots of something and then never look at them again?

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

If you’re not happy single you won’t be happy married. Happiness comes from eating food, not from relationships.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

The next man who speaks to me will be sacrificed to the gods for a bountiful harvest.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Doing taxes for an ant who inherited a teaspoon of sugar.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Years of personal growth can be unraveled in 2 days at your parents’ house.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Sorry, I can’t hang out. I don’t know enough words.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,255

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

“You smell so good!” Okay, so kiss me.

Going viral on Messenger:

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I’m either freezing, peeing, or starving.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.

Trending via Facebook:

The term “bisexual” is so confusing. Are you sexual twice a week or once every other week?

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I like how people say “travel safely” like I’m the one flying the plane.

Spotted on Reddit:

I be having full arguments in my head, then walk around mad like someone actually said something to me.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I use subtitles so if I learn anything interesting I can say “I was reading about” instead of “I saw on an episode of Love Island”

Making waves on WhatsApp:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out?

Seen just now on Pinterest:

When the past calls, don’t answer it. It has nothing new to tell you.

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a few minutes.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Getting ready to turn my living room into a five-star panic resort! 😅🏃‍♂️💨

anxiety, escape, give, humor, just, me, minutes, panic, panic room, room, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Facebook is extremely over-engineered for a birthday reminder app.

0

3 weeks ago

app, birthday, birthday reminder, Facebook, humor, media, over-engineering, reminder, social, social media, technology
Note: Press the button on the elevator as often as possible to activate the secret express function and speed up the thing.

0

2 months ago

advice, button, elevator, express, express function, function, funny advice, humor, note, secret, speed, thing
In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.

0

5 months ago

confidence, disagree, disagreement, experience, humor, me, opinion, people, sarcasm, wrong
I’m not really a “glass half full” kind of person. I’m more of a “Where’d I put my glass?” kind of person.

0

2 months ago

drink, everyday, everyday life, forgetfulness, full, glass, half, humor, humor quote, i, irony, kind, life, person, perspective, put, self-deprecating
The only recipes they have online are where I’m the one who’s supposed to buy all this stuff and then make it. That’s not what I’m looking for.

0

2 months ago

buy, cooking, expectations, food, frustration, humor, looking, online, recipe, simplicity, stuff, where
Them: Money doesn’t bring happiness. Me: Pass the money over here, I like to be sad.

0

2 months ago

bring, happiness, here, humor, i, irony, me, money, over, pass, perspective, relationship, sad, sarcasm

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t know what’s more fun—grocery shopping or making the old men blush by asking if these melons look ripe.

31 shares on Reddit this month:

Even a broken shrimp fries rice twice a day.

89 shares on Slack this month:

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t change clothes.

49 shares on Discord this month:

Notifications are a reminder that you exist.

52 shares on Reddit this month:

Sweet, but twisted. Does that make me a candy cane?

89 shares on X this month:

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

88 shares on Facebook this month:

Ok, I cheated in school, but I did it the hard way and without AI.

62 shares on X this month:

Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely touched your unread books.

88 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

47 shares on Pinterest this month:

The only team building exercise we had when I started working was called “Happy Hour.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Having a blocked nose really makes you appreciate the finer things in life, like breathing normally.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Boys are disgusting. Can’t believe I like these things.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

If I let you into my life, I am either emotionally invested or you are a grilled cheese sandwich.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Why do moths eat sweaters? Have they tried sandwiches or avocados?

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Having divorced parents as an adult is funny because you and your siblings are like, “Damn, who has custody of Mom today?”

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

When is a robot gonna take over my job? Please?

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Lady just asked me what “mansplaining” is. I think it’s a trap. We’ve been staring at each other in silence for half an hour.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Girls flirt by orbiting your general location like an electron.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams, and Bruno Mars walk into a bar. They didn’t planet that way.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

If my memory gets any worse, I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

If we “talk,” you ain’t single. We’re in a pending relationship. You’re in the cart.

Just shared via Threads:

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Today, I want to talk about how people’s houses smell funny, but mine doesn’t.

Going viral on Snapchat:

If you talk about astrology, and no one stops you, it means you must be incredibly pretty.

Going bananas on YouTube:

I wish I loved exercise as much as I love napping 3 times a day and eating 5 times the suggested serving size.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Monday morning looks like Jack Nicholson breaking through the door in The Shining.

Spotted on Threads:

You don’t need a therapist, you need an exorcist.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

“People you may know” and it’s someone I would set on fire.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

November should have one more day. Just because to me November 31st sounds real. And also I don’t want to pay rent tomorrow.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a few minutes.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Facebook is extremely over-engineered for a birthday reminder app.

Note: Press the button on the elevator as often as possible to activate the secret express function and speed up the thing.

In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.

I’m not really a “glass half full” kind of person. I’m more of a “Where’d I put my glass?” kind of person.

The only recipes they have online are where I’m the one who’s supposed to buy all this stuff and then make it. That’s not what I’m looking for.

Them: Money doesn’t bring happiness. Me: Pass the money over here, I like to be sad.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨