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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

If you get hangovers, it’s because you drank the beers with impure intentions and heavy karmic debt.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

I hate it when I’m outside, and an insect lands and crawls on my glasses, and for a split second, I think aliens have invaded.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Every time I want to use a big word that I just know the meaning of, I Google it first, just in case.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

I like waiters. They bring a lot to the table.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

“Likes your story” is a declaration of love.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

If your first child is uncomplicated, then it’s a trick of nature to get you to have a second child. The second will be an unpredictable bundle of energy that seems to get by without sleep.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

The plant app says that I either watered my plant too much or not enough. Very helpful. Thanks!

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Most of your problems emanate from assuming that you are intelligent. Ease into your stupidity, and be free.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

This entire year has been the Nightmare Before Christmas.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,671

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

Saw a big spider crawl into my closet last night. He’s probably in there trying on all my clothes, acting like he’s me.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Imagine the carnage at an IKEA team building event.

Going bananas on Messenger:

God created childbirth so women could know how men feel when we have a cold.

Just landed via Slack:

At least men and women can agree on one thing: it feels amazing to take a bra off.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Sometimes the voices in my head get bullied by the voices in my stomach.

Just landed via Threads:

What a time to be alive! (Derogatory)

Going bananas on Slack:

He likes when I shakalaka, so, woop, there it is.

Shared recently on Slack:

The lion does not concern himself with Microsoft Teams.

Seen just now on X:

If I were in charge of Nike, I’d change the slogan to “Just Say You Did It. Nobody Ever Checks.”

Breaking via Threads:

Smash Mouth was so right, the years really do start coming and they don’t stop coming.

Are you my appendix? Cause you seem kind of useless to me.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Are you my appendix? Because I never really noticed you until you started causing me pain! 😂🔪 #UselessOrgans"

appendix, comparison, humor, joke, me, medical, relationship, useless

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

0

2 months ago

30, assistant, better, brushing, care, dental, dental care, dentist, humor, money, mouth, playing, rich, ships, sinking, sinking ships, staring, wealth
I was in Paris with a boyfriend once and he lit a candle in Notre Dame in order to ask God to raise the price of Bitcoin.

0

2 months ago

Bitcoin, boyfriend, candle, dame, funny moment, God, humor, i, lit, moment, notre, Notre Dame, order, Paris, price, relationship, request
Home is where you trust the toilet seat.

0

2 months ago

comfort, home, humor, seat, toilet, trust
The elderberry is the wisest and most knowledgeable of all the berries.

0

2 months ago

berry, elderberry, fruit, humor, knowledge, most, wisdom
Coworker: Hey, circling back on that thing we talked about in December. Me: Stop living in the past!

0

2 months ago

back, circling, communication, conversation, coworker, December, humor, living, me, office, past, stop, thing, work
I’m not ready to adopt a highway, I can barely raise my own driveway.

0

2 months ago

adopt, driveway, highway, humor, i, own, raise, ready, responsibility

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on TikTok this month:

If buying isn’t owning, then pirating isn’t stealing.

78 shares on Slack this month:

Getting sent money you didn’t ask for is very sexy.

20 shares on WeChat this month:

No, I’m not depressed. I’m sure there’s just something wrong with the planets or stars or something.

18 shares on X this month:

It was so windy today when I was walking to the gym that I got blown into the wine store.

76 shares on Facebook this month:

Don’t give up, we must remain silly.

50 shares on Discord this month:

I’d like to shrink you down and add you to my keychain.

48 shares on Slack this month:

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

80 shares on Snapchat this month:

I never oversleep in the mornings. I set an alarm and a back-up alarm. Plus, there’s also a noisy kid once those fail.

65 shares on TikTok this month:

There are people on TV who are not ruined by fame, but who ruin fame.

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When people talk about enriching their lives, I assume they’ve found a way to add more cheese.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Me rereading his texts after we’ve already said goodnight just so I can giggle and blush all over again.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

I like listening to music in languages I don’t speak because sometimes I just don’t wanna know what anybody is talking about.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Imagine buying a new car, and some superhero throws it at an alien.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Since there are no other Vulcans on the enterprise and the crew has no comparison, Spock could be and probably is bullshitting them most of the time.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Let’s ride this misunderstanding into the sunset.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

A house doesn’t have to be haunted to scare me, I’ve seen the listing prices.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

According to your ex, what’s exactly wrong with you?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Unfair that the older I get, the clearer photo quality gets.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

My phone screen is brighter than my future.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Just peed so much that a little laugh came out.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

Just landed via LinkedIn:

What if babies had two umbilical cords and if you cut the wrong one, it exploded?

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Hey girl, do you like my signals? I mixed them myself.

Trending via WeChat:

I’ve already sent Santa a short letter this week to say hello. Not that he thinks I only get in touch if I want something.

Going viral on Snapchat:

All I know for sure is that I could be wrong.

Just landed via YouTube:

When I get to work, I always hide first, because a good worker is always hard to find.

Just landed via X:

That uncle or aunt who kept their distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense as you get older.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

The collective noun for a group of narcissists should be an ‘egosystem’.

Breaking via YouTube:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t that thing I’ve been ignoring until it became a giant problem.

Going viral on Twitch:

The most I’ve ever spent on a bottle of wine is about 45 minutes.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Are you my appendix? Cause you seem kind of useless to me.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

I was in Paris with a boyfriend once and he lit a candle in Notre Dame in order to ask God to raise the price of Bitcoin.

Home is where you trust the toilet seat.

The elderberry is the wisest and most knowledgeable of all the berries.

Coworker: Hey, circling back on that thing we talked about in December. Me: Stop living in the past!

I’m not ready to adopt a highway, I can barely raise my own driveway.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨