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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

And is the financial stability in the room with us right now?

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

I could win awards for having a bad memory. In fact, I probably did. How would I know.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Someone asked me what my hobby was and I realized that my favorite hobby is doing absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you are holding the taser wrong.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

I’m sorry I didn’t text you back. I’m really busy watching the The Lord of The Rings in the form of mini clips on TikTok.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

My sleeping pattern ain’t even a pattern anymore, it’s a freestyle that’s on shuffle.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Spoiler alert: Eventually you will pay a price for the way you treated people.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Twitter is great because you can tweet “hi” and someone will tell you you’re wrong.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

My recliner and I go way back.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

One of the great joys in this life is looking at your pet’s weird little teeth.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,483

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

Me, on New Year’s Eve: I think instead of kissing at midnight, I’m just going to go outside and scream.

Just shared via Snapchat:

‘Another bombshell has entered the villa!’ I say to myself as I walk in the front door of my own home.

Trending via Reddit:

Nothing brings neighbors together like a few cops cars in front of another neighbor’s house that no one likes.

Just shared via Slack:

Not a fan of frozen pizza. Too cold, in my opinion.

Breaking via Discord:

There should be an Olympics where athletes can take as many drugs as they want. Like, to hell with y’all, let’s see how high humans can really jump.

Just landed via Telegram:

I am awake and ready to be disappointed.

Just landed via Telegram:

Why aren’t we using these t-shirt cannons for burritos?

Making waves on Snapchat:

After hearing that I have too many books and too many bookshelves, I’ve decided to cut back on the amount of people I listen to.

Making waves on Facebook:

Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

Making waves on WeChat:

Being famous on social media is like being rich in Monopoly. It’s not real, so calm down.

Be the reason someone spits out their drink today.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Make their day unforgettable by being the unexpected splash in their drink 🥤💦 Cheers to being the surprise they never saw coming!"

drink, fun, humor, joy, laughter, reason, someone, spit, surprise, today

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The man who invented the Ferris wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

0

2 months ago

amusement, amusement park, circle, different, ferris, Ferris wheel, humor, inventor, man, merry-go-round, met, never, park, wheel, wordplay
This can’t be the same body that used to be able to pull all nighters.

0

2 months ago

able, age, all nighter, body, change, exhaustion, humor, nighter, pull, same, sleep, used
Sleep well, middle finger—you’ve got a big day ahead of you tomorrow.

0

2 months ago

ahead, attitude, big, cheeky, day, got, humor, middle, morning, motivation, sarcasm, sarcasm humor, sleep, tomorrow, well
I need to social distance with the refrigerator so I can flatten my curve.

0

2 months ago

curve, dieting, distance, fitness, flatten, flatten curve, food, humor, i, need, pandemic, refrigerator, social, social distance
My plumber asked me for a Google review. I said I thought it was a really good search engine and I’d give it 8/10.

0

2 months ago

asked, engine, give, good, Google, humor, i, ID, joke, me, plumber, rating, review, search, search engine, thought, wit
I would like to be reincarnated as less tired.

0

4 months ago

fatigue, humor, i, less, reincarnation, tired, wish

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on TikTok this month:

Took the road less travelled after buying the sat nav less expensive.

22 shares on X this month:

Some people change their faces like traffic lights change their lights.

98 shares on Snapchat this month:

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with you.

28 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I’m just like “whatever, I’ll be Dan for a minute”.

45 shares on X this month:

I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

41 shares on Instagram this month:

Shy with a mean resting face is a crazy combo.

72 shares on TikTok this month:

Apparently, all my new nephew wants to do is eat and sleep, which means he’s already a lot like me.

39 shares on WeChat this month:

At this point, the only thing that can heal me is memory loss.

97 shares on Twitch this month:

The history of mankind would have been completely different if Adam and Eve had been Chinese. They would have left the apple hanging and eaten the snake.

85 shares on Slack this month:

I always work very hard and intensively to ensure that my wife can proudly say: “That idiot over there? Yes, that’s mine!”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Why can’t periods just last for an hour? Like, you made your point, I’m not pregnant, you can leave now.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

The worst thing is finding out the “sweet guy” is just a lustful loser.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

Why does Bruce Wayne, the billionaire, not simply rig Gotham City’s elections in favor of tough-on-crime candidates?

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m at the age where I won’t make eye contact with someone because they look like a “talker.”

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

I want the job where I push scared skydivers out of planes.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Life hack: You can’t be sad if you are asleep.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Reoccurring dreams be like: ‘I dunno, here’s a rerun’

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself, “Wow, this changes everything.”

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Bought a house plant so I wouldn’t be the only one dying of dehydration around here.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

I secretly want you to say no when I offer you some of my cake.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

My sweatpants sat me down and said they want me to get an office job again.

Just shared via Facebook:

The heels stay on during sex because I only painted the toe nails that were showing.

Just shared via Facebook:

Them: Good morning! Me: Where?

Freshly posted on X:

Sports bars exist. There should be bars for monitoring the situation.

Breaking via Messenger:

Your favorite little ball of silliness has logged in.

Just landed via Telegram:

If you occasionally blow on your bourbon during a Zoom meeting, the other folks will think you’re enjoying a hot cup of tea.

Going bananas on Discord:

Tariff this, tariff that. When is somebody gonna tariff my clothes and kiss me?

Just shared via Slack:

I don’t like people who take drugs, for example: airport security.

Just landed via Telegram:

The worst part about re-watching Home Alone is you just know Kevin’s parents bought this house for like $250K.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I don’t want flying cars, I want the ability to start again from my last save point.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Be the reason someone spits out their drink today.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The man who invented the Ferris wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to pull all nighters.

Sleep well, middle finger—you’ve got a big day ahead of you tomorrow.

I need to social distance with the refrigerator so I can flatten my curve.

My plumber asked me for a Google review. I said I thought it was a really good search engine and I’d give it 8/10.

I would like to be reincarnated as less tired.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨