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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

I’ve decided that my 20s are actually from 25 – 35.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Hate when you’re trying to take a nap and the dentist is all “Please open your mouth.”

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Turns out I like you a lot more than I originally planned.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Welcome to your 40s! You’re gonna need several doctors, no matter how many apples.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

Noam Chomsky sounds like the legal name of the very hungry caterpillar.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

I think God was high when he made me.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,635

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

Did you get the telepathic message I sent earlier?

Making waves on Messenger:

If you need ChatGPT to write an email, maybe you shouldn’t have job.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Overthinkaholic!

Just shared via Discord:

What if babies had two umbilical cords and if you cut the wrong one, it exploded?

Spotted on Threads:

Female friendship is all about taking turns being insane. First, one of you is crazy, and the other has to counterbalance by being normal. Then, thirty minutes later, you get to trade.

Shared recently on Threads:

First date idea: Couples Colonoscopies.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Sane is boring.

“Because my hair is not done” is a very valid reason to decline an outing.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Hair today, sofa tomorrow! 💁‍♀️🛋️ Better stay in for some well-deserved couch cuddles.

care, decline, done, excuse, fashion, hair, humor, outing, personal, personal care, reason, refusal, socializing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I get writer’s block responding to people.

1 month ago
block, communication, difficulty, humor, i, interaction, people, responding, response, response difficulty, social, social interaction, writer’s block, writers, writing
Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

1 month ago
frustration, humor, jar, lid, open, struggle, swear
Time needs a speed limit.

1 month ago
humor, irony, life, limit, needs, philosophy, speed, time
Me, to the printer: “Hey, could you print this out for me?” Printer: “Sure, but first I’ll show you all the sounds I can make.”

1 month ago
conversation, frustration, humor, i, joke, me, print, printer, show, sounds, sure, technology
Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

1 month ago
burn, decide, decision, decision making, dinner, food, humor, i, making, meal, meal planning, order, pizza, planning, procrastination, trying
If Halloween is over, then why am I still scared?

1 month ago
am, fear, Halloween, holiday, humor, i, joke, over, scare, scared, spooky, still, why

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

There should be a zoo that has people from every country in it.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Everything is 10 times funnier when you are supposed to be quiet.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

“God has a plan for you!” Okay, well, I have some notes for him.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

The first pyramid scheme was when the Egyptians took credit for the pyramids that were clearly built by aliens.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

You can tell it’s laundry day because I’m wearing flippers and a Viking helmet.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Ping me if your boobs glow in the dark.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

I respect perfume commercials being like we can’t show you a smell mind if we just go insane for 30 seconds.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Everyone’s an expert after the fact.

Trending via Slack:

The good news is that I’ve been finding new ways to waste my time.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

The oceans are rising because no one is drinking their recommended 8-12 glasses of water per day.

Live now on X:

People say “go big or go home” like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah, I want to go home, and I’ll have a nap when I get there.

Shared recently on X:

That awkward moment your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I’m still tired from yesterday’s tired.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“Because my hair is not done” is a very valid reason to decline an outing.

Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

Time needs a speed limit.

Me, to the printer: “Hey, could you print this out for me?” Printer: “Sure, but first I’ll show you all the sounds I can make.”

Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

If Halloween is over, then why am I still scared?

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Of course I do cardio. It’s called running from my problems.

People often mistake me for an adult because of my age.

On the upside, my kids are helping with the dishes. On the downside, my kids are helping with the dishes.

(to the boys in the yard) I hope you brought your own milkshake.

The older I get, the more I don’t want to do things.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Men can be sorted into two camps: the ones who get haircuts way before they need them, and the ones who wait until people in their lives are complaining.

The moon is literally dragging the oceans around, and you think your body shouldn’t feel it?

Once you realize that the general public is retarded, you stop caring about how crazy you look to them.

I do not care how bad the relationship is, I am NOT calling a radio station for advice.

You know it’s bad when even a cheeseburger doesn’t help.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you either have a naked window neighbor or you are the naked window neighbor.

I’m sorry your man wears his sunglasses on the back of his head.

It can be so healing to stay up until 3am. Unfortunately, it will also completely ruin your life.

Why’d they call it a fly swatter and not a splatula?

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

If I honk at this person, maybe it will make them a better person.

Sometimes I say something so embarrassing I even impress myself.

If a door closes, I’m just going to open it again.

I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge.

Meow means woof in cat.

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“Because my hair is not done” is a very valid reason to decline an outing.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I get writer’s block responding to people.

Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

Time needs a speed limit.

Me, to the printer: “Hey, could you print this out for me?” Printer: “Sure, but first I’ll show you all the sounds I can make.”

Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

If Halloween is over, then why am I still scared?

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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