Someone from has copied:

I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

Someone from has downloaded:

When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.

Someone from has viewed:

God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

Someone from has copied:

The rule should be: if you can smell the cookout, you’re invited to the cookout.

Someone from has bookmarked:

I do not like FaceTime unless we’re best friends or I’m in love with you.

Someone from has downloaded:

When you accidentally laugh at your own thoughts, and now people are staring.

Someone from has bookmarked:

I wasn’t planning on moving, but I was just invited to the neighborhood fall potluck, so I guess now I have no choice.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Hope this email finds you moonwalking out of work early.

Someone from has copied:

The ‘E’ in my name stands for ‘Everything you need.’