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Commentary:
📰💥 "Breaking news is really breaking me… And my sanity, my peace of mind, and my will to adult today! 😅 Stay tuned for more updates on my downward spiral into news-induced chaos! #ExtraExtraReadAllAboutMyMentalBreakdown" 🚨🤯

breaking, breaking news, exhaustion, humor, irony, me, media, news, stress

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“I’m not jealous of nobody but stay-at-home wives who are married to wealthy men.”

4 months ago
envy, humor, jealous, jealousy, man, marriage, married, men, nobody, relationship, stay-at-home, stay-at-home wife, wealthy, wealthy man, wife
Monday is already sending me threatening glances from across the room.

2 months ago
across, glance, humor, me, Monday, motivation, personification, procrastination, room, threat, threatening, workweek
I have been alive all my life, and have not once seen a Chinese food commercial.

1 month ago
alive, Chinese, Chinese food, commercial, food, humor, i, life, once, seen
This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.

1 month ago
dieting, fat, food, humor, ID, salad, sarcasm, taste, weight
After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

1 month ago
away, crime, entertainment, get away, humor, hundred, investigation, murder, paranoia, podcast, solve, start, ten, think, true, true crime
Men are like dogs. They’re actually cute, but having my own would be too much work for me.

1 month ago
comparison, cute, dogs, having, humor, me, men, much, own, pet, relationship, too, work

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Grab your own butt! Love yourself!

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

“You’re like if 9 a.m. on a Monday was a person.”

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Human stupidity exists because if everyone were smart, we’d have no one to laugh at on the internet.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Before I had kids I was only vaguely aware that Saturday had a 7am.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Growing up, there was a Cody in every elementary school class, but as an adult, I haven’t met a Cody in years. Where did they go?

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Once you realize that the general public is retarded, you stop caring about how crazy you look to them.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

I could be staring at my hand locking my front door, and I still won’t feel 100% sure my front door was locked.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

Just so you know, it’s almost impossible to drink coffee while laying down.

Going viral on Facebook:

I tried to take a picture of myself in the shower, but my camera kept fogging up. I have selfie steam issues.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Dear ads, I have the buying power of a Victorian milkmaid.

Live now on Instagram:

My nutritionist told me wine doesn’t count as a fruit source so now I need to find a different nutritionist.

Going viral on X:

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

The only thing preventing me from moving to Finland is the language barrier and a job.

Just shared via Threads:

Studies show that people with high IQs tend to be lazy, or something like that. I didn’t read the whole article.

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Activity Log ✨

Breaking news is really breaking me.

“I’m not jealous of nobody but stay-at-home wives who are married to wealthy men.”

Monday is already sending me threatening glances from across the room.

I have been alive all my life, and have not once seen a Chinese food commercial.

This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.

After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

Men are like dogs. They’re actually cute, but having my own would be too much work for me.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Women in movies look so beautiful when they sleep. Meanwhile, I’m tossing and turning all night like a forgotten 7-Eleven hot dog.

If you drink a lot of water, you won’t have time for other people’s drama because you’ll be too busy looking for a bathroom.

What idiot called it Catfishing your Tinder Contacts and not Playing With Matches?

If you can’t laugh at yourself, I will.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I can’t wait to buy Chanel bags on a random Tuesday for me and my friends.

I could have been somebody if I’d been somebody else.

Not to brag, but my date returned after using the restroom.

Fun fact: the creator of Barbie and the creator of Hot Wheels were husband and wife.

Slipping into something a little more comfortable (psychosis).

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

“You’re a cardiologist? Is that like a fancy name for an auto mechanic?”

If I sing “Hello” and you think of “Lionel Richie” and not “Adele,” then you can probably predict the weather with one of your knees.

I want whatever the people who run at 6 a.m. have.

A hot tub is basically a big bowl of human soup.

May I please come over and curl up in your lap like a cat?

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Introducing two cats is tedium. Not interested in your dumb politics just lick each other and be normal already.

It’s unbelievable how much work goes into having a mid-physique and a relatively clean house.

Going to the beach as a feet guy must be insane.

I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.

I always knew I’d get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.

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Breaking news is really breaking me.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

“I’m not jealous of nobody but stay-at-home wives who are married to wealthy men.”

Monday is already sending me threatening glances from across the room.

I have been alive all my life, and have not once seen a Chinese food commercial.

This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.

After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

Men are like dogs. They’re actually cute, but having my own would be too much work for me.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

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