By my second “could we change the subject?” I could feel the job interview going south.

68 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ll never be badass enough to walk around chewing on a toothpick.

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

My outfit is from Gucci and the body from Ferrero.

32 shares on Messenger this month:

Apparently there is a bird fight club who holds their meetings outside my window at about 5am.

42 shares on Reddit this month:

Americans be like, “MM:DD:YY” is how you say dates verbally, and then have a national holiday called “4th of July.”

62 shares on Telegram this month:

“AI is coming for your jobs”. I’d like to see AI show up drunk on Fridays and sexually harass my coworkers.

82 shares on Facebook this month:

My daughter asked me what it’s like to be a parent, so I woke her up at 3 AM to let her know that I couldn’t sleep.

66 shares on Messenger this month:

Paycheck hit. I’m at Michaels Arts & Crafts supply store telling them to bring out Michael.

36 shares on Discord this month:

Any place is a walkable city if you’re broke enough.

58 shares on YouTube this month:

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.

23 shares on Instagram this month:

I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.