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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

The delivery guy absolutely hates it when I call him my pizza mule.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Sorry I’m late, there was bubble wrap.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

You can add tears while cooking if you don’t have salt.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

“It could be drugs,” I tell myself as I buy more books.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Golf is a great way to learn all of the new curse words your subconscious has been cooking up in the lab.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Going to therapy is like having someone walk around your brain and going “ohhhh, this is how you’re living?!”

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

“I’ve never met a medical receptionist that I believed wanted me to live.”

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Life is like a box of chocolates. More expensive than I was expecting.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,742

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

Reading is a gateway drug to being less stupid.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I just sneezed into my elbow and now I’m waiting for a preschool teacher to praise me.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

My mom recently asked me how to take a screenshot. At first, I laughed, but then I remembered she taught me how to tie my shoes.

Trending via Discord:

Music just makes living on this earth a little bit more bearable.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Nobody is more stressed than a person who has a lot of interests or passions and is still confused about their career.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Turns out strange women lying in ponds distributing swords was a better basis for a system of government actually.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

If paying a cashier a living wage will make prices go up, why doesn’t replacing cashiers with self-checkouts make prices go down?

Freshly posted on Discord:

You spend so long trying to think of a name for your cat only to end up calling them “for god’s sake” and “please stop”.

Trending via Discord:

If you’ve never had a cheeseburger change your mood, you’ve never had a cheeseburger.

Cataclysmic events, such as your fingers on my skin.

6 days ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about intense feelings, humorously comparing them to dramatic events.

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Commentary:
Sounds like a natural disaster I'd like to experience! 🌀❤️🔥

cataclysmic, cataclysmic event, event, events, finger, fingers, humor, skin

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Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on WeChat this month:

The amount of people who “find God” after doing something evil needs to be studied.

84 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Petition to allow customer service employees to fight at least one customer per day.

20 shares on Messenger this month:

Saying “You’re tearing this family apart” whenever someone argues with me.

48 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m so tired of not being a multimillionaire.

38 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you want to complain about my driving at least calm down and get off my hood first.

95 shares on YouTube this month:

Pitching a sitcom where all the top people running a major city have been arrested and by chain of command the person in charge is now a librarian.

51 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Got an email from my bank saying “is your 401k enough to retire on” and it’s like you are my bank, you know it’s not.

75 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Plot twist: the universe is waiting for you to give it a sign.

44 shares on Snapchat this month:

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.

93 shares on Twitch this month:

That uncle or aunt who kept their distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense as you get older.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Sending your selfies to NASA because you’re a star.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

You honestly gotta believe in yourself so much that it’s borderline delusional.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

When the past calls, don’t answer it. It has nothing new to tell you.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think I’m some dumb American who doesn’t speak French and they are correct.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Do clouds ever look down on us and say, “This one is shaped like an idiot”?

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Even worse than the buzzing of the mosquitoes is the moment when it suddenly stops.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Not to sound like a potted plant, but sunlight and fresh air really make a difference.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Age regressing by coughing like a toddler, with my tongue out.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I do not want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch.

Live now on Reddit:

This tape doesn’t even taste like scotch.

Live now on Facebook:

My toxic trait is thinking every inconvenience is the universe personally attacking me.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

The older I get, the more I understand why Grumpy Old Men exist.

Seen just now on Threads:

I can’t wait til I have hearing aids, so I can just turn them off when I’m tired of hearing everyone.

Spotted on Reddit:

Please pray for my husband, he’s struggling to find me.

Going viral on TikTok:

You can fake an American accent all you want, but “literally” will expose you.

Making waves on WeChat:

Half of all the problems in life can be solved by duct tape. For the rest, you’re gonna have to reboot that computer.

Seen just now on X:

You know it’s bad when people start telling you that you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

Seen just now on Threads:

As everyone was arguing about politics, no one saw me leave with the cake.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Cataclysmic events, such as your fingers on my skin.

If I had a wife, I’d text her things like, ‘What’s your full name?’ and ‘When’s your birthday?’

If she reads Bukowski, she’s not looking for love. She’s looking for someone who will ruin her creatively.

Turtles made out of plastic, problem solved.

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Cataclysmic events, such as your fingers on my skin.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Mind if I crawl into your DMs and stay there for a while?

If I had a wife, I’d text her things like, ‘What’s your full name?’ and ‘When’s your birthday?’

Dear Snapchat memory, that’s not my friend anymore.

If she reads Bukowski, she’s not looking for love. She’s looking for someone who will ruin her creatively.

Turtles made out of plastic, problem solved.

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨