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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ถ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has shared:

Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฆ has viewed:

People my age are raising children, and I’m just here trying to bribe myself with treats into doing my own chores.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ถ has shared:

Iโ€™m a total go with the flow kinda person as long as the flow is meticulously scheduled well in advance and there are no mid-flow changes whatsoever.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has bookmarked:

Babe, are you OK? Youโ€™ve barely fulfilled the prophecy.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has shared:

Overheard the most hilarious conversation on my morning commute, then realized it was just me talking to myself in my car.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has downloaded:

Men used to go to war, now they want to be the little spoon.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ช has shared:

Fog. When nature is too lazy to load the complete environment.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has copied:

Cover letters are so embarrassing. Why am I writing a love letter to this shitty company?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ผ has viewed:

When I was in elementary school, we learned about a shape called a rhombus, and that was the last time I ever heard about that shape ever again.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡น has viewed:

The awkward moment when someone’s zipper is down and you don’t know whether to tell them or not.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,460

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Just landed via Twitch:

This too shall pass, but what the hell?

Making waves on X:

He took my last fry, your honor.

Making waves on Pinterest:

A man messaged me on Insta and said, “You are not looking bad.” This might be the one, yโ€™all.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I am a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

Making waves on Discord:

I don’t remember if I took my pills, but I can’t check because I can’t remember where I put my glasses.

Just shared via Twitch:

Drugs donโ€™t ruin lives. Drug tests do.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Roadtripping with my family has taught me that my marriage can withstand anything except roadtripping with my family.

Just landed via Pinterest:

l identify as a Christmas tree. Lit on the outside, dead on the inside.

Making waves on TikTok:

After smartphones, we never got pictures of Bigfoot anymore. You know why? That’s right: 5G killed all the Bigfoots.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Having now listened to the entire song, I have to say thereโ€™s some obvious internal disagreement as to what the Hokey Pokey is all about.

Cataclysmic events, such as your fingers on my skin.

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Social Media Stars โญ

44 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead.

80 shares on Telegram this month:

Don’t believe in yourself, you can’t do it.

72 shares on Discord this month:

Why would I put money where my mouth is when wine exists?

25 shares on Pinterest this month:

Overthinking should at least burn calories.

80 shares on Telegram this month:

My sleep apnea was diagnosed at a staff meeting.

51 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m obsessed with adding a second completely unnecessary tweet to all my tweets, like, oh, you thought I was done.

100 shares on Telegram this month:

It really cannot be overstated how many of your problems disappear once you have a beautiful woman who is in love with you.

23 shares on Pinterest this month:

Watching my wife absolutely hate my daughter’s boyfriend while being nice and hospitable to him has made me question every interaction I’ve had with another human being in my life.

52 shares on Discord this month:

Me and the fellas making welcome gift baskets for the aliens.

51 shares on Threads this month:

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

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Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

18 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

My psych professor asked if we’d heard of Pavlov. I said, “It rings a bell.” No one laughed; I’m too witty for this class.

14 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

My skin has so much oil, I’m surprised countries aren’t fighting over who controls it.

15 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

To avoid burnout at work, use the 30-30 rule: after 30 minutes of work, quit your job and disappear into the mountains for 30 years.

23 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Is it fall yet? I really canโ€™t suck my stomach in much longer.

22 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I feel like I should give my air conditioner a plaque for employee of the month.

12 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Wisdom of the day: Don’t do anything you don’t want to explain to the paramedic.

15 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Boys are disgusting. Canโ€™t believe I like these things.

19 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I signed up to the gym a few months ago and still don’t see any results. I’ll go by there this weekend and ask what’s going on.

13 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

13 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I may have bags under my eyes, but theyโ€™re Versace.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,674

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has downloaded:

The most productive species of beaver is the Eager.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ง has downloaded:

Being late to work should never be that serious. At least I came?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has bookmarked:

Do people who love escape rooms not know about IKEA?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡จ has bookmarked:

If you wake up early enough, you can go back to sleep for a few hours. Not everyone knows this.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has downloaded:

Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug. But you’re not gonna like the performance.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฆ has shared:

If I were a billionaire, I wouldnโ€™t build rockets to escape to Mars. I would build rockets to make everyone else leave Earth.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡ธ has downloaded:

If you’re feeling lonely, start a small business. Then you’ll have a little company.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ซ has shared:

Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today’s tasks.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has shared:

I always tell my kids that itโ€™s okay to make mistakes just as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡พ has downloaded:

Foolproof? Yeah, well we’ll see about that.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Live now on Slack:

Sick and tired of these 30 mins weekends.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Watching 2+ movies a day to prevent a thought from happening.

Shared recently on Twitch:

In a massage chair at the mall just moaning really loud.

Just landed via Twitch:

Grape soda doesn’t taste at all like grapes, but it does taste like purple, and I don’t know how to explain that.

Freshly posted on X:

I should be able to eat one huge meal a month, like a snake. This every-few-hours shit sucks.

Trending via Messenger:

Just saw someone my age running and she wasnโ€™t chasing an ice-cream truck.

Shared recently on Discord:

I’m at an age where I don’t have to go anywhere and I still have jet lag.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I didnโ€™t mean to mimic your voice, I just had to know what it felt like to sound like that.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Avocado is just green butter.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I don’t think I’d be so scared of spiders if they had eight tiny flip flops on.

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