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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Nobody says, ‘Bless you,’ when you fart.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Ouija boards are like unannounced phone calls for ghosts.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

When I die, I hope I’m remembered for my ability to take any bad situation and make it worse.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

It should be socially acceptable to just face the wall at a party when you need a break from talking.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

I need a chiropractor for my brain.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I’m out in public and I have to look down real quick to make sure I remembered to put on pants.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Real introverts are too introverted to tell people they’re introverts.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Do you ever feel like you’re a white shirt and life is a red wine?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,282

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

I think it’s clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

My youngest had a mandatory drugs and alcohol lecture today at school, and he still can’t mix a proper drink.

Live now on Messenger:

I hate the person I become when I try to open a package using the ‘Tear Here’ notch, and it stays sealed.

Spotted on Slack:

I commented to a friend that I didn’t know how goofy Scream was. It turns out I have never seen Scream. I saw Scary Movie.

Trending via Discord:

I think you misunderstood – when I said, “Let me look into it,” that meant, “I don’t know exactly how to tell you no just yet.”

Making waves on Threads:

Due to unforeskin circumcistances …

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.

Trending via Facebook:

At the age where a big break could mean either my career or a hip.

Breaking via Slack:

All the wrong decisions in this country are based on the fact that my balcony faces out the back and so I can’t speak to the people.

Common sense isn’t a gift. It’s a punishment, because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Trying to use common sense in today's world is like bringing a calculator to a sword fight 🤔🔍😅

common, common sense, deal, dealing, dealing with people, everyone, gift, humor, people, punishment, sarcasm, sense

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Welcome to your parents’ house, where the wifi password is fEtbqP2LVp3U6Hkh

0

2 months ago

family, home, house, humor, parents, password, technology, welcome, where, wifi
Starting your day with an early morning run is a great way to make sure your day can’t get any worse than it started.

0

2 months ago

attitude, challenge, day, early, fitness, great, humor, humor in fitness, morning, morning routine, morning run, motivation, positive, positive attitude, routine, run, start, start of day, starting, sure, worse
I don’t understand the concept of “the man of your dreams”. Every time my wife wakes up after dreaming about me, she is really pissed off about something dream me did.

0

2 months ago

concept, dream, dreams, every, humor, i, man, me, pissed, relationship, sleep, something, time, understand, wife
Not now, kitten. Mommy’s destroying and betraying herself for nothing.

0

2 months ago

betrayal, betraying, destroying, humor, kitten, mommy, nothing, sarcasm, self-destruction
I see 1000 girls. I know 100 girls. I talk to 10 girls. I love 1 girl. And she doesn’t love me back.

0

2 months ago

back, dating, girl, heartbreak, humor, i, know, love, me, numbers, rejection, relationship, talk
Surround yourself with people who google the menu of the restaurant beforehand.

0

2 months ago

dining, friends, Google, humor, menu, people, preparation, restaurant, social, yourself

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m exactly where I want to be. At home, avoiding people.

39 shares on WeChat this month:

I am “I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve” old.

53 shares on Slack this month:

Sorry, I’m late. I got here when I wanted to.

57 shares on Pinterest this month:

Hey boy, are you my period? Because you’re annoying as hell but I still wanna see you regularly.

21 shares on Threads this month:

You’d think the heat and humidity would steam some of the wrinkles out of my body.

61 shares on X this month:

My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I will eventually be able to get back in the bed.

82 shares on Pinterest this month:

If being hydrated is such a great thing, why does it feel like my bladder is pissed off?

54 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Only thing that can cure my depression is $500 million.

78 shares on Instagram this month:

I unload the dishwasher backwards… just to feel something.

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

I finally got 8 hours of sleep. Took me four days, but whatever.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Some say the world will end in fire. Others say in ice. Coming up next, our expert panel breaks down the arguments for each side…

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

If you don’t have a favorite spatula yet, you still have some growing up to do.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Shampoo companies need to be clearer when they say “repairs damage”. I cancelled my therapy for nothing.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

I be telling people, “I respect your decision,” and I really don’t. The decision is always something stupid, and I just don’t want to engage any further.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Your twenties are for destroying and betraying yourself for nothing.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

If you tell me to watch until the end, the end better be in five seconds.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

My husband needs a hearing aid, but refuses to get one because it’s the key to our happy marriage.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

I was not made for a 9 to 5; I was made to eat pasta and lay in the sun like a lizard.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Threads:

You can always gauge my mood by the type of animal videos I share: sweet puppy videos or a cat smacking the shit out of someone.

Making waves on Discord:

Traveling back in time to proudly inform Benjamin Franklin that my stove has wifi.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

My OnlyFans is just hours of me untangling Christmas lights.

Just shared via X:

I have this ability where I can look at someone’s profile picture and determine whether they are evil or not.

Seen just now on Slack:

Naming my first daughter Piggleigh Wiggleigh.

Just shared via Twitch:

Can’t stop thinking about that time at the planetarium where they showed us a picture of earth and everyone booed.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

“Do you like using Twitter?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Live now on Threads:

Lord, take away my suffering and give it to anyone who’s ever said, ‘Hey, Grok.’

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I love when my husband says, “correct me if I’m wrong,” like I would pass up that opportunity.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Common sense isn’t a gift. It’s a punishment, because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Welcome to your parents’ house, where the wifi password is fEtbqP2LVp3U6Hkh

Starting your day with an early morning run is a great way to make sure your day can’t get any worse than it started.

I don’t understand the concept of “the man of your dreams”. Every time my wife wakes up after dreaming about me, she is really pissed off about something dream me did.

Not now, kitten. Mommy’s destroying and betraying herself for nothing.

I see 1000 girls. I know 100 girls. I talk to 10 girls. I love 1 girl. And she doesn’t love me back.

Surround yourself with people who google the menu of the restaurant beforehand.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨