Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

“Thanks for your payment!” Shut up. I paid that bill against my will.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

Having long hair as a guy is so scary because some days I look like the charming lead of a classic film from the 80s, and other days I look like a Discord mod that runs his Magic: The Gathering group like the Navy.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

What wine pairs well with the kids being stuck inside during a heat wave?

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

A peaceful transition of power happening between me and this cigarette just now.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

Does your life really flash before your eyes or is it just your brain closing all open tabs one last time.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

One thing I have noticed about getting older is having to stop for a short nap halfway through scrolling down to my year of birth when completing online forms.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Piñatas are a fun way to intentionally maim the guests at your party.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

My favorite part of adulting is borrowing money from myself and paying myself back.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,663

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

On the one hand, I’d love to look sexy in a bikini. On the other hand, there’s cake.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Keep your temper. Nobody else wants it.

Just shared via Messenger:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at intimacy.

Just shared via Slack:

Some people buy shoes to feel alive. I buy boarding passes.

Spotted on Snapchat:

The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.

Just landed via Telegram:

Rich people go to parties. It’s what they do, and somehow we must all watch videos of it.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

What substance do I have to abuse to stop yearning?

Making waves on Slack:

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Don’t rush into a relationship. Be friends first. Maybe they have hotter friends. Thank me later.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I’ve got 99 problems. I know this because I wake up in the middle of the night to review each and every one of them in great detail.

Dear algorithm, please show this post only to people who have innate psionic abilities and would use their abilities for the betterment of humanity if given a chance.

0
Dear algorithm, please show this post only to people who have innate psionic abilities and would use their abilities for the betterment of humanity if given a chance.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess this post will probably end up in the inbox of approximately 2 telepaths, a dog with a highly unusual stare, and my Aunt Susan who thinks WiFi is magic 🐶✨👩‍🦳📡

, , , , , , , , , , ,

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on Twitch this month:

Rom-com idea: Gozilla +1. Godzilla gets invited to a wedding but struggles to convince anyone to go with him.

40 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t believe the phrase “if they wanted to, they would,” because I want to, and I don’t.

77 shares on YouTube this month:

I was thinking of becoming self employed, but due to cutbacks, I can’t afford to hire me right now.

13 shares on X this month:

Normalize saying, “I’m not informed enough to have an opinion on the matter.”

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

“Too much garlic”? What’s next? Too much love? Too much desire?

16 shares on Reddit this month:

Just washed my windows and not a single bloke came out and said ‘You can do mine next!’ This used to be a real country.

71 shares on Snapchat this month:

Pizza rolls are comfort food because they look like little pillows.

84 shares on Slack this month:

Marriage is 33.3% hiding to eat snacks because you and your spouse are supposed to be on a diet.

40 shares on TikTok this month:

Currently helping my husband look for his $20 I spent yesterday.

71 shares on Instagram this month:

Listen to your body? The body that craves a lethal amount of Kinder Bueno?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Salt and pepper shakers add an air of mystique to any bathroom.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope “be the light you want to see in the world” doesn’t refer to Molotov Cocktails.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a few minutes.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst part about waking up is all the remembering.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

They’re bluffing when they say you can still get knocked off the nice list this late in the game. Santa’s been delivering gifts in Japan for hours by now; that list is locked. Do whatever you want.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

AI is trained on what we write, so if we want to save our jobs we should all write really badly for a while. I’ve been doing my bit for years.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Just because I’m up sharing posts at 7 a.m. doesn’t mean I’m up. Don’t call my phone.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,499

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Blocking anyone who tries to motivate me.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

When you ask for your phone charger back and your teenager has the audacity to ask “what percentage are you on?”

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

If I win the lottery, no one around me will be broke, and I truly mean that. I will move to a wealthy neighborhood.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Youngest siblings are literally weaponized incompetence, final boss.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

The ‘E’ in my name stands for ‘Everything you need.’

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Not a gold digger, but the other night a woman told me her grandpa owns a Christmas tree farm. That shit had me rubbing my hands like a fly.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

People who get 0-5 likes at max and still tweet all the time… What’s your secret?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

I secretly want you to say no when I offer you some of my cake.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

The cinema vibe is my favorite, you literally forget about the world for like 2-3 hours.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

Ponytails are only hot on women, bro.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I’ll never understand why the volume in movies is always mixed in such a way that you can barely understand the dialog and your neighbor gets war flashbacks during action scenes.

Seen just now on Slack:

Don’t listen to them, little password. You are strong.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

Trending via TikTok:

People complain about jury duty as if listening to true crime all day and being sequestered at night isn’t secretly every mother’s fantasy.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to run my brain through the dishwasher.

Going viral on Twitch:

Hopefully it won’t be as bad as it already is.

Spotted on YouTube:

I need a job where I don’t actually have to work.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Have your guardian angel call my guardian angel.

Going viral on Instagram:

Once I see a vein on your forehead while we arguing, I’ll let you be.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴