Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

If bugs could talk, they would probably say things like, “What the bug?”

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Sorry I lied when I said “I can’t complain.”

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

No thank you, I only like men who have no interest in me.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Home is where you’ve left the shopping list.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

When you’re talking to someone and you can tell they’re trying out a new word.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

I’m not always annoying, sometimes I sleep too.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

The art of staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

When someone yells stop I don’t know whether it’s in the name of love, it’s Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

That depressing moment when you start your car to go to work and it doesn’t explode.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Homeless man just called me a “loser,” and I showed him my house keys.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,378

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Snapchat:

Sitting next to you on an empty train and clicking my stopwatch every time you turn a page in your book.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I would do absolutely anything to get 8 hours of sleep, except for going to bed 8 hours before I need to wake up.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Dogs can’t talk and everyone loves them. Coincidence? I think not.

Just shared via Threads:

As a parent of a teenage daughter, I would like to formally apologize to my parents for my tube-top and low-rise jeans era.

Shared recently on X:

An adult is a person that keeps Ibuprofen in more than one place.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

Just shared via Slack:

One day you’ll meet that amazing person who just gets you, and they won’t text you back either.

Breaking via Instagram:

Ping me if your boobs glow in the dark.

Seen just now on Slack:

If it was really a smart phone, it would have recognize that it was an ignored call, not missed.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I have heard that people without dogs have to pick up dropped food themselves.

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.

2 weeks ago

Funny quote about holiday mischief and self-reliance with a playful vibe.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🎅🏼 "Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff." 🤣 Looks like someone is mastering the art of independence and self-reliance! Who needs Santa when you've got your own shopping skills? 🛍️💁‍♂️ Just remember to treat yourself extra nice this holiday season – you deserve it! 😉✨

buy, Christmas, good, honesty, humor, list, mind, never, once, own, Santa, stuff, time, wish, wish list, year

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you want to feel really bad about yourself, just start dating.

28 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Y’all are single because y’all are looking for 90’s love in this sick generation.

28 shares on Telegram this month:

I keep pressing the space bar, but I’m still on Earth.

89 shares on Twitch this month:

My five-year plan only requires a few acts of God.

33 shares on Instagram this month:

“Huh” is 94% of my vocabulary.

90 shares on Instagram this month:

Me, seeing a man proposing to a woman in public: Hey, this guy bothering you?

54 shares on Instagram this month:

Crossing my fingers one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

81 shares on Slack this month:

“It’s the most wonderful crime of the year!” I crooned running away with the pot of Santa’s donations.

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m far too underqualified for adult life, and I feel like I was promoted to manager far too quickly.

19 shares on YouTube this month:

Imagine the sound a centipede would make if they wore tiny flip flops.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Mud season creeps up on us every year, destroying hearts and minds as well as light grey carpeting.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If it was really a smart phone, it would have recognize that it was an ignored call, not missed.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

You were promised to me 3,000 years ago.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Mocktails are awesome because they ask the question ‘how much could juice cost?’

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

If you don’t want to be in love with me that’s fine. You’re entitled to your wrong and very stupid opinions.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s like no one in my family appreciates that I stayed up all night overthinking for them.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s time to stare blankly at my wall for hours straight and think about where I went wrong with my life.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s weird when you realize that what you thought was rock bottom was actually somewhere around rock middle.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a second.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,581

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Just burned 2,000 calories trying to avoid someone I know at Walmart.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

(to the boys in the yard) I hope you brought your own milkshake.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Bartenders be like “here’s that receipt, I’ll go ahead and put it on the wettest part of the bar”.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Stereotypes are like mass graves. They’re both offensive ways to lump groups of people together.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Your soulmate wouldn’t do you like that, by the way.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Golf is a great way to learn all of the new curse words your subconscious has been cooking up in the lab.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Nice tweets, bro. What medications are you on?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Theo Von’s entire life is like a raccoon that visits New York City.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Threads:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my kid noticing her sibling got a bigger slice of cake.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I just love the lack of privacy in the pharmacy line. Just standing there shouting out my name, date of birth, and exactly what is wrong with me for the world to hear.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I hate how everything is organic now. I miss chemicals.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Dear God, thank you for the job I have. But if you have a lottery win planned for me, I’m ready! Thank you.

Trending via TikTok:

I hear the responses my young siblings give my mom, and I’m speechless; they don’t know the commando she was in her prime.

Just shared via Slack:

How you conduct yourself when using plastic wrap is the real you.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Biting your tongue while eating is a perfect example of how you can still screw up, even with decades of experience.

Making waves on Telegram:

Messed up and threw a surprise party for my minimalist friend. Now 25 of us are hiding behind the granite orb.

Trending via Facebook:

That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything, and all you can think is: “Act normal, you are innocent.”

Seen just now on Reddit:

Imagine giving someone your heart at Christmas, but the very next day they give it away. Haha, would feel so stupid.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴