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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

When I trip, I always look back to see who or what did it, because it couldn’t have possibly been my fault.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

They should invent a political party that doesn’t suck.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

I need new friends. The old ones know too much.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

I’m so single right now, I can’t even spell relayshaunship.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Went on a date with a guy who didn’t ask me any questions about myself, so it’s on him when he finds out about my husband.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Together, I can beat schizophrenia.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Pinterest algorithm is like a loving dad who fills the whole fridge with oranges after seeing you enjoy one.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Old enough to know better. Young enough to do it anyway.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

The volume of my TV is 100% dependent on what I’m currently chewing on.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,382

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

Sometimes my body needs to be punished by Taco Bell.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

On the one hand, I’d love to look sexy in a bikini. On the other hand, there’s cake.

Spotted on Threads:

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

Trending via Slack:

Gonna waterboard my houseplants so they know who’s the boss.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

I love beating a dead horse with the girls. There is nothing better than a Saturday night rehashing, and never letting that horse rest in peace.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Congratulations on angrily speeding past me to get to the red light first. You’re special.

Trending via YouTube:

My future husband and I will be stay-at-home parents, and the kids will go to work.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

When someone asks me what my dream job is, it’s just like “I don’t know dude, I don’t dream about jobs”

Spotted on Threads:

Self-awareness is such a two-edged sword. Like, yay, I know myself better, but at what cost?

Making waves on WeChat:

Adding geologist to my resume after hitting rock bottom.

Diet Coke so crisp I moaned.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your drink is so fizzy it serenades your taste buds 🎶🥤😆

beverage, coke, crisp, diet, Diet Coke, drink, humor, i, moan, refreshment, soda

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Imagine being a dinosaur. No work or bills. No drama. Just extinct.

0

2 months ago

being, bills, carefree, dinosaur, drama, extinct, humor, imagine, just, simplicity, work
I don’t know what kind of sex makes y’all want a joint bank account, but I ain’t had it yet.

0

3 months ago

account, bank, couple, humor, i, joint, joint bank account, kind, know, marriage, money, relationship, sex, want
Getting a random boner is a bit funny. Like, what is it, boy? What do you see?

0

4 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, bit, body, body reaction, boner, boy, Funny, getting, humor, moment, random, random boner, reaction
I’m tired and drank a lot of coffee, so now I’m tired but faster.

0

2 months ago

caffeine, coffee, drank, exhaustion, faster, humor, irony, lot, tired
Be the reason your therapist reevaluates their entire career.

0

2 months ago

career, health, humor, mental, mental health, reason, reevaluation, self-awareness, therapist, therapy
Two things I learned yesterday: I’m not too old to sit in a beanbag chair, but I’m too old to get out of one.

0

4 months ago

age, aging, beanbag, beanbag chair, chair, comfort, getting, getting up, humor, i, learned, old, sit, sitting, things, too, yesterday

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Threads this month:

I love replying to people within seconds. Hello. I am here. Always.

32 shares on TikTok this month:

I have read that there are imaginary pregnancies. The belly gets bigger and bigger, but there is no baby inside. Finally a diagnosis.

31 shares on Pinterest this month:

Hello, hi. Don’t invite me anywhere until next year. The money is finished. Regards.

48 shares on Twitch this month:

I googled my symptoms and it turns out I just need this election to be over.

57 shares on YouTube this month:

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

My husband refused to get glasses. But that was before he brushed his teeth with fake tan.

88 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m very strong, but not in a get a jar open kinda way.

45 shares on TikTok this month:

Speaker phone in public should be illegal.

63 shares on Telegram this month:

My cat smells like cigarettes again and I’m sick of his excuses.

72 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The trouble with living alone is that it’s always my turn to do the dishes.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

I’m so single right now that I stood on a cliff and shouted, “I love you,” and my echo replied, “I just wanna be friends.”

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Some days you’re the bat, some days you’re the ball.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

I got a raise! On my meds dosage. But still.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

I think nervous flatulence would be helpful if you were ever kidnapped.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

My doctor no longer prescribes me Viagra. He just left me hanging.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

I’m not calling anyone daddy unless I’m asking for money for the mall.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives?

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

If only my teeth were as white as my legs.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, I shut it off and back on again, why are you still here?

Just landed via Snapchat:

I wait all week for the weekend just to aggressively do nothing in five different outfits.

Spotted on X:

A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it’s the stupid ones who need advice.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My favourite adult hack is when I carefully and thoughtfully put something very important away so I can’t lose it, and then I never find it again.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I can clean the whole house if I want to, but if someone asks me to do it, suddenly I’m lazy.

Shared recently on Messenger:

“I’ve been fantasizing about going back to bed since I woke up this morning.”

Making waves on Facebook:

The single star on Texas’ flag is actually a review.

Making waves on Threads:

I wish I could throw tomatoes at comments.

Making waves on Threads:

Leaving out milk and cookies for Santa is literally making an offering to a deity.

Just shared via Threads:

The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Diet Coke so crisp I moaned.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Imagine being a dinosaur. No work or bills. No drama. Just extinct.

I don’t know what kind of sex makes y’all want a joint bank account, but I ain’t had it yet.

Getting a random boner is a bit funny. Like, what is it, boy? What do you see?

I’m tired and drank a lot of coffee, so now I’m tired but faster.

Be the reason your therapist reevaluates their entire career.

Two things I learned yesterday: I’m not too old to sit in a beanbag chair, but I’m too old to get out of one.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨