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Commentary:
🥑 Just when you thought guacamole couldn't get any more dramatic… 🤯🤔 Should we start an avocado ancestry chart or is that going a bit too far? 😂🥑 #AvocadoSqueezingFamilyTree

avocado, eating, ever, food, funny thought, humor, people, squeeze, squeezed, think, thought

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I have the sex drive of a potato.

0

2 months ago

comparison, drive, humor, i, potato, relationship, self-deprecation, sex, sex drive, wit
If the line at the grocery store takes longer than 10 minutes, the candy beside the checkout should be free.

0

2 months ago

candy, checkout, free, grocery, humor, line, longer, minutes, patience, shopping, should, store, treat
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

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2 months ago

am, animals, hate, humor, i, irony, love, plant, plants, vegetarian
I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

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3 weeks ago

child, children, ed, family, humor, husband, multitasking, opinion, parenting, phone, pregnancy, run, scrolling, sex, sex ed, should, strong, taught, third, through, weeks, while, wild, woman
People just don’t stop, collaborate, and listen like they used to.

0

2 months ago

collaborate, collaboration, communication, humor, just, listen, listening, nostalgia, people, stop, used
If I go quiet, it’s because I am plotting my escape or your demise.

0

6 months ago

am, demise, escape, humor, i, plotting, quiet, sarcasm, threat, witty

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on Pinterest this month:

If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end.

83 shares on WeChat this month:

Just remembered I can just get drunk after work instead of quitting. That was a close one.

36 shares on YouTube this month:

Everyone’s a gangster until their doorbell rings.

40 shares on Threads this month:

I get sad when I see how old people my age are.

66 shares on Threads this month:

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24 hours, I need more time to be ready for Monday.

15 shares on X this month:

Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

55 shares on X this month:

I changed my Facebook name to “Benefits.” Now, when people add me, it says, “You are now friends with benefits.”

21 shares on Discord this month:

I’m going to bed, everyone. Try to keep it down.

39 shares on Instagram this month:

“What’s something you’d tell your younger self?” You can have ice cream for dinner, nobody will stop you.

85 shares on Discord this month:

I talk to myself mostly because I am an excellent listener.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

It’s like 10,000 Tupperwares when all you need is a lid.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Everybody looks sexier when they are happy.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Clearly I’m not doing Dry January unless you mean sense of humor.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

How was the word “Wife” invented? They took the first two and last two letters of wildlife.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

The only thing I gained this year is weight.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Coke Zero sounds like a government pledge to eliminate fizzy drinks by 2030.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

My friends put their kid to bed and then made us ice cream sundaes, which is exactly what I assumed was happening when my parents put me to bed.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

There are two quantities of popcorn: not enough and what have I done

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

I remember when asking someone if they were on X meant something completely different.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Do vape shops and nail salons actually make money, or is my town’s economy one big laundering scheme?

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Slack:

After an hour on this team meeting I’m not wanting to be a team player anymore.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Waking up early is always beneficial. You just gotta make it past those first 10 minutes of being irritated.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

In high school I was voted “most likely to hold a grudge” and I’m still mad about it.

Seen just now on X:

Human hibernation should be a thing.

Breaking via Messenger:

It’s a little ironic when you consider that the Internet was invented to save time.

Freshly posted on X:

No parenting book prepares you for the stank of your kid’s soccer bag.

Making waves on Slack:

The early bird gets to cry for a little bit longer in the work parking lot.

Just shared via YouTube:

Stop rushing in the morning. You’re starting your day in panic mode.

Live now on Telegram:

Engagement photo shoots are so funny as a concept. Like girl, we believed you.

Live now on Messenger:

This place was really tidy yesterday. It’s a shame you missed it.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Do you ever think about how many people squeezed the avocado that you’re eating?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I have the sex drive of a potato.

If the line at the grocery store takes longer than 10 minutes, the candy beside the checkout should be free.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

People just don’t stop, collaborate, and listen like they used to.

If I go quiet, it’s because I am plotting my escape or your demise.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨