Do you ever think about how many people squeezed the avocado that you’re eating?

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I love surprising my girl, today she woke up single.

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Given the amount of clowns around here, you’d think it would be more entertaining.

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So apparently they don’t count as sit-ups if you’re just trying to get out of bed.

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I decided to be me and now we have a problem.

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If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales.

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It’s called the Summer Olympics so one of the events should be running in flip flops to catch the ice cream man.

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Sleep is a free trial of death but with ads.

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“Male loneliness epidemic” and it’s just karma and the consequences of their actions.

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Lord, they down here giving us bills every month after you already paid the price.

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I’m too tired to shower. Anyone want to wash my back?