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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Stereotypes are like mass graves. They’re both offensive ways to lump groups of people together.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

5pm on a Friday: call me a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I’m not working.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

I like how people say “travel safely” like I’m the one flying the plane.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

I’m sorry I said “Awooga” when you took off your clothes. Do you still want to have sexy time?

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

The gym gives you energy, but you need energy to get to the gym. Feels like a pyramid scheme, if you ask me.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

At this point, if you buy Tesla, everyone is just going to assume you are a loser.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

We went out on a boat to see whales and the crew encouraged us to clap and cheer for the whales and boo at the regular fish.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Babysitting a pair of twin babies right now and feeding them saying “here comes the airplane”. I don’t know, just feels weird.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

4,027

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Digging my own grave, because I gotta do everything around here.

Just shared via Slack:

If I complain about being out of shape, I don’t actually want fitness tips and workouts to try. I just want to complain and remain out of shape. What is wrong with you people?

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

No, I can’t tonight. I already have plans to look at my phone somewhere else.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Welcome to your late 40s! From now on you will no longer be in “good health” but in “good health for your age”.

Just landed via YouTube:

You can always tell when a man’s mustache is performative and not representative of his true spirit.

Shared recently on Facebook:

In my defense, Your Honor, I grossly misunderstood the meaning of Boxing Day.

Going bananas on Discord:

Crazy how every smart person recommends going for walks.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I’ve tasted being employed, and I’ve tasted being unemployed. I recommend not being born.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

When you realize a 9 to 5 is actually an 8 to 7, since you cannot teleport to work.

Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: OMg.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When the doc hits you with the 'OMg' moment! 😂✨ #MagnesiumDrama #PunnyProblems"

body, doctor, health, humor, joke, laugh, magnesium, me, medical, OMG, pun, run

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The night is dark and full of terrors. My day is long and full of meetings. Same thing.

0

2 months ago

comparison, dark, day, exhaustion, full, humor, meetings, night, same, same thing, terrors, thing, work
“Love is in the air.” Wrong. Microplastics.

0

2 months ago

air, environmental, humor, joke, love, microplastic, microplastics, pollution, sarcasm, wrong
I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

0

2 months ago

body, body crack, body joke, chiropractor, crack, glow, glow stick, humor, i, joke, playful, relaxation, relief, stick, stress, stress relief, want
My brain is on airplane mode today.

0

2 months ago

airplane, airplane mode, brain, distraction, humor, laziness, mental, mental state, mode, state, today
I’m not speaking to my husband, and I don’t think he even knows it.

0

4 months ago

communication, even, humor, husband, i, knows, misunderstanding, relationship, silence, speaking, think
Maybe we should put monkeys in charge for a while just to see how it goes.

0

2 months ago

authority, charge, decision making, experiment, fun, humor, just, leadership, monkey, put, should

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Snapchat this month:

Trying is the first step toward failure.

59 shares on Pinterest this month:

I used to be a person who couldn’t easily fall asleep, then I got divorced and now I sleep like a baby. Probably unrelated.

10 shares on WeChat this month:

Ex’s be like “I gave you everything”. Yeah, trust issues.

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m just a girl standing in front of a cat who followed me to the bathroom.

64 shares on Pinterest this month:

Thank God for headphones and day dreaming.

40 shares on YouTube this month:

My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking, one cleaning.

88 shares on Discord this month:

Behind every funny man is a woman who rolls her eyes.

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Went to the hairdresser today and now I look much younger. I’m thinking about going back tomorrow.

14 shares on Reddit this month:

I need to go back to Friday. I want to do my weekend differently.

98 shares on Facebook this month:

People tell me to just be myself like that would be a good thing.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

You don’t realize how incorrect and annoying YouTube video essays are until they’re about something you like.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Every Reddit relationship post is like “My husband dropped a big piano on my head and when I emerged from the rubble my teeth had been replaced by the keys. Am I in the wrong?”

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Anytime someone throws a Great Gatsby themed party, I have to assume they never finished the book.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Coworkers are funny. You could see a guy every day for 5 years then he quits and you never see or even think about him again.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Many years ago, I stood up to 100-200 million others only to sit in meetings now.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

I get you, bowel syndrome. I’m irritable, too.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

The cool thing about ignoring a notification is being surprised to see it over and over again.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you’re shopping for something else because they just won’t budge.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

Let’s lay on the couch together, play on our phones, and ignore each other, babe.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Hangman is so great. No better way for a child to learn how to spell than by having to save a man from hanging to death.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I’m not saying I’m messy, but if Copperfield knew what I can make disappear, he’d be jealous.

Spotted on Reddit:

“You handled it so well.” Nah, I didn’t. I lost my spark, felt crazy, distanced myself from everyone, and hated myself.

Trending via Instagram:

Genuinely, why does the logo of every AI chatbot look like a butthole?

Live now on X:

I woke up again, it’s pathetic how much death fears me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: OMg.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The night is dark and full of terrors. My day is long and full of meetings. Same thing.

“Love is in the air.” Wrong. Microplastics.

I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

My brain is on airplane mode today.

I’m not speaking to my husband, and I don’t think he even knows it.

Maybe we should put monkeys in charge for a while just to see how it goes.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨